Dear Heart...

My Teaching "Intern"...Sounds Cooler than Student Teacher, Right?

2011-01-25T21:33:00.002-05:00

I have a student teacher this semester. This is my first experince with mentoring a student teacher, I am willing to learn, ready to guide and sort of nervous. She is 21, adorable and VERY timid. My students are 17-18...akward. I love her as a person and she is a smart cookie, but she is so freaking young looking I often think she is one of the students. She has no strength in her delivery and in the wild-west known as high school she needs to grab them in quick and hold the reins all semester (sorry for the horrible analogy...cheesy I know). I don't worry about her professionalism, she is a great...but her face turns red when they ask her "do like to party", I thought she would die when someone asked her "do you have a boyfriend".

She is not on her own yet, the semester just started and I have been teaching and planning all but one block; she is still using my plans. The cord will be cut in full next week. Yikes.

I have a hard time setting my students free, they are like my fake kids. I struggled with two maternity leaves...this will be an adventure. I don't think she will be bad, it is just touch and go on whether they will chew her up, spit her out and then set her on fire. She has to learn, right?

At least she hasn't been actually asked out or sexually harrassed yet, I can already see the boys are drooling over her. I will repeat...Yikes. I will be sure to write updates.

Ms. MacGyver to You

2011-01-23T14:52:00.000-05:00

Sit and spin as a table, Capri Sun box as a stunning hat and string cheese as a crayon...this kid can turn anything into a functional tool that will meet her momentary demand. I walked into the living room for this one last week, she looked at me and said "sit mama, sit and eat". She is a thinker that one.

Beyonce Jane

2011-01-20T22:17:00.000-05:00

Miss Baylor Jane loves singing "Single Ladies" lately. I blame The Chipettes. It is funny and I've commented on it a few time over Facebook.

Well the bear took it to a whole new level this weekend. Wearing dress-up heels and nothing but a onesie, my girl was rocking out Beyonce style. It was glorious. I really need a Flip, this kid is tossing out gold lately.

Playing Stay-at-Home Mommy

2011-01-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

I have always dreamed of staying at home with my kids full time. It is not going to happen, I HAVE to work for us to survive. I am working on coming to terms with that and I know that I am trying to be the best mommy I am created to be.

What I do love is long weekends and breaks. I get to "pretend" my only job is being mommy and I cherish it.

What I realized today...if I was a full-time SAHM I would be rail thin and maybe a more avid wine drinker.

Up and down the stairs, all around the house. I never sat down this weekend. Never. Today seemed extra crazy for some reason. Baylor was exceptionally wild.

I lost the rest of my two years and two babies worth of weight after an action packed summer off of -it came off surprisingly quick. I chalked it up to my body getting back to normal, but then I realized it was from chasing after the girls for three months.

They wear me out. Anyhow, I love it and I wish I had more days at home with them. I am already looking forward to spring break and I can't wait for summer. My girls are certainly gifted with energy and imagination. I am not sure if I ever thought I would have low key children but, these ladies love to explore, ask a million and one questions and talk to everyone and anything they encounter.

When I take them grocery shopping with me I often think "hmmm, wouldn't it be nice if they just chilled out and walked along with me". Not a chance. The only nice thing is that they never really beg for things...I can't stand a "gimmie, gimmie" kid.

What I realize is that the very things that sometime wear me down are the gifts that will make them very well adjusted, creative and innovative thinking young ladies.

I just keep reminding myself of that when Baylor is painting the walls with chocolate frosting while signing loudly and Addison (my barely 3-year-old) has called my mom on my cell phone "just to chat".

MOPS...my mommy sorority

2011-01-16T11:50:00.000-05:00

I am in love with my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. I had wanted to join a few years ago and then my church added an evening meeting group this year, I was so excited to join. My first night I leaned over to my table leader and whispered "this is like a sorority for mommies". It is fantastic.

Anyhow, I was thinking about fellowship today and community and I really enjoy the company of the mothers in my group. It is just wonderful to have the support and the topics at our meetings are always enjoyable.

I am thankful to be a part of it. I look forward to growing in faith and friendship with the ladies at the red table and the rest of the mommies in our little 6-8:40 "night out".

If you are unfamiliar with MOPS you should check it out and see if there is a group in your area.

Dispicable Me, Thank you

2011-01-15T09:43:00.000-05:00

I am now watching Despicable Me for the 15th time since Christmas...it has not gotten old. In fact, I really want the soundtrack. Good lesson, amusing plot, hilarious voices (I heart Steve Carell) and Pharrell in charge of the soundtrack is pretty sweet too.

If you are a parent, or someone around children often, you will totally understand the joy of finding a children's movie that entertains you as much as them. We once had a two week run where Addison was obsessed with Alvin and The Chipmunks:The Squeakuel. I don't want to talk about that very dark period in my life. I can still hear "Single Ladies", as sung by the Chipettes, in my dreams and it gives me the chills.

Needless to say I am very thankful for Despicable Me.

I Did it! I Did it!

2011-01-06T22:51:00.000-05:00

     In the words of Ms. Dora El Explorer "I did it". I have wanted to hang this niffty display up in the girls room for easily 7 months.
     The amount of art work Addison makes is out of control and there has not been a proper way to display it other than the fridge for quite some time. The kid is a non-stop craft machine. She loves to color, which is cool because Baylor Jane loves to eat crayons. Such a team.
     Anyhow, I got this simple idea and then kept forgetting to buy the supplies. Then I remembered to buy them over the holidays, but kept forgetting to hang it up. Finally, I got motivated and learned we were out of nails.
     Almost a year later...Ta da!!!

I am proud. Not so much of my artistic talent, simply that I can cross something off of my "to do" list.

Addison loves to say good night to each of her "masterpieces". It is odd, but sweet at the same time.

Slowly but surely people, total organization is near.

Get a Hobby!

2011-01-06T11:19:00.000-05:00

I have never had a real hobby. No, really. I like to run, I love basketball and most sports in general...I just never have had a real honest to goodness "hobby".

Now I do! Yay for me, right? I am positive that I am the only person that cares about this new hobby, though Addison is excited to be a "posing model"

I finally got the camera of my dreams and I am in love!

I am also going a bit nuts-o. I have been taking shots like crazy, reading up when I should be grading and asking professionals a million questions.

I have a new lens on the way (50 mm 1.4) and my new Photoshop Elements 9 should be installed by the weekend (can't guarantee I will have any idea how to use it any time soon).

Here is my first and fav shot of Addison. There is a small problem, the worlds most annoying shoe. Somehow, Ryan's shoe snuck its way into a least 15 shots. I have a lot to learn.

She is really into tights with boots these days. She is my little fashion girl. It is nature not nurture with this one!

I have a ridiculous amount of Baylor Jane too, but the kid has had the constant runny nose. I have way more shots of that kids snot than I will ever need and I am not ready to share her cold with the public:)

I think the best part of having a hobby, especially one that my girls think is entertaining, is that I feel creative again. With the exception of little art projects around the house and stuff at school I feel so boring. This is actually a chance to awaken the artsy-schmartsy me that has been dormant for quite some time.

I think I really have found a way to freeze my baby girls in time...sort of.

The Phoenix?

2011-01-04T21:14:00.000-05:00

New post, new name, working on a new look... it is possible that this blog may be rising from the ashes!

I am feeling motivated and really ready to write.

Blurg...non-sensical grumble of the day.

2010-08-11T23:13:00.003-04:00

I don't like feeling insecure. I don't like feeling judged. I am very aware I am not perfect and I am at a constant battle in my own head on how to better and fix the things that I am sure bother other people. I am the most vulnerable as a mother so please don't kick me when I am down, I only try to be the world to the little girls that are the world to me and I have never once pretended that I was perfect at it. In fact I only wish my wins or failures could help others.

I don't like when people don't like me (I don't lose sleep over it, but it is just a sucky feeling) and I really don't like that the few places I should feel free to be open I can not. We are all imperfect, I don't need others to remind me of my own. I can do that quite well on my own-thank you.

I sort of feel better. I almost don't care anymore, almost.

Random useless movie quotes

2010-08-05T15:38:00.002-04:00

They make me giggle. I like the movie, I like the quotes. It is far more interesting to mock the apocolypese (Shaun of the Dead is another fav) ...and you are welcome.

Little Rock: [playing Monopoly] Oh, free parking!
Wichita: Which, coincidentally, is the best thing about Zombieland.
Wichita: No... the best thing about Z-land, no Facebook status updates. You know, "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday." Who cares?
Tallahassee: The best thing is no more flushing. Epic.

Columbus: Are you one of those guys who has to constantly 'one-up' everyone else? Tallahassee: Hell, no! I knew a guy once who was a lot worse at that than me.

Random Movie Review

2010-07-31T16:04:00.003-04:00

Just watched finally watched this. I am so behind on my list of movies to see and I have been dying to see this since last year.

Hilarious! I heart Woody Harrelson and he did not let me down. I especially appreciate the outstanding use of Bill Murry and all things Ghostbuster related.

Overall, I might just buy this.

teamwork

2010-07-26T15:30:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here taking a break from laundry listening to my two mischievous little ones over the baby monitor. I desperately need them to take a nap today, they know this...it is not going as well as most days.

They share a room and we have "successfully" gotten them to take naps and go to bed together. Honestly, not a single problem; until today.

Today, they have decided to change the rules. As the baby monitor gives me a peek into what these little monkeys are doing instead of napping like angels, I am not sure I enjoy what I am hearing.

Teamwork.

From the day we brought Baylor home there has been growing evidence that these two are joining their powers for evil, but today I think they have fully realized that working together will surely give mommy a mental breakdown.

Sample conversation from 2 minutes ago: "Baylor...start yelling. Mommy wants us to sleep, I don't want to sleep. She'll get you, I will run".

Really? Did I just hear that? Baylor responded by laughing and then she started to yell "momma, momma". When I didn't go up to their room Addison said "ah, man...shes not coming. what will we do. JUMP!" They are currently jumping on their beds...I am so annoyed I might just go up there, but I am pretty sure I don't want to be outsmarted by an almost 3 year old and a 1 year old.

Everyone wants their kids to be brilliant and I happen to believe that every single child has a special gift that they are outstanding at. I used to think that Addison was gifted with communication/compassion and that Baylor was our mechanical/spacial little one...I now beg to differ. They are both evil geniuses that are plotting to take over the world.

I just heard Baylor giggle manically and I think Addison just mumbled something about uranium 235 and world domination. Visions of Pinky and the Brain are flashing through my head.

"Tanks"

2010-07-25T11:51:00.004-04:00

Baylor is stepping up her vocabulary (a slow start thanks to chatty big sister Addison never giving her a need) and has added about 10 words in the last two weeks. She is now saying "tanks". I love that sweet little voice, it is so nice to get a thanks from a baby. It melts my heart.

Also, I would like to proudly say she has added "Baylor Bear" to her repertoire. Sounds more like Bay Brrr, but she is pretty proud and cute when she says it.

My favorite of the week is "I". We're working with Addison on using the alphabet and word recognition, this has led to Baylor being obsessed with the letter "I". All letters are "I" and she giggles each time. Yesterday she walked around the house with the letter c/cat card and just screamed "I" (then meowed...equally funny). You just have to hear her say it, she is a quirky and independent minded little one for sure.

The Three Amigos

2010-07-22T22:09:00.002-04:00

I have never been really shy about going in public alone with the girls and they are a challange to balance since they both walk ( run and explore the heck out of EVERYTHING is more adequate), but I have been logical and cautious as to where one person can take two little persons with lots of energy and immagination. The majority of the time I have my co-pilot Ryan and we have such a system it is sort of impressive. I didn't realize how good it was until he wasnt around and I was standing around waiting and confused for someone to hand me the backpack or put on the girls shoes. Auto pilot is creepy.

With Ry's new job I now am the lone ranger from the hours of 2:30pm-sometimes 3:30am. I am pretty surprised that I have embraced this head on and I think it is really working for the girls too. We have adventured to more grocery stores, public pools, theaters, libraries and resturants than we have since Baylor has been born. I am still a little shaky on the "run" factor...Immagination Station was definetly only possible because my good friends shared the load and I mainly just worry about stranger danger.

I am not saying I am a fan of a zone defense, I much prefer man-to-man in coaching and in parenting, but I think it is actually causing the girls to behave better, rely on each other and grow trust.

My sweet little Addison is now very good at getting into the car, buckling her steat belt and then doing it all in reverse when we arrive. I am more than melecholy that she gets out on her own and shuts the door, but I certainly wished she could have done all these things when Baylor was first born. The anxiety and helplessness are still so fresh in my memory.

I also really love that she helps Baylor put her shoes on too. Once again, this is the girl that would climb book shelves while I was trying to nurse Baylor. Super Big Sis to the rescue.

Anyway, I hate that Ryan is at work and I will really hate when I am back to work full-time...but we are doing pretty darn good with this new arrangment. The oldest of four, my parents didnt take us out much. I have never blamed them for this, they werent insane:) I just like that I am now comfortable going on multi-kid adventures. I am not stating that I enjoy taking a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old to the grocery store. You suddenly realize how much crap the stores have hanging at toddler height AND Addison needed to go to the bathroom (any public restrooms are gross with kids). She was easy, distracting Baylor in the stall while Addison peed was the hard part!

It just feels nice to not feel stuck in the house because your usual teammate is at work.

We wanted our babies close for all the good reasons and we certainly were in denial enough not to be prepared for how hard it actually is. Every time you get comfortable with a stage of development they change. A prime example: Baylor learning to walk, that was a curve ball I should have seen coming. Not so nice when sweet baby isn't chilling in the stroller-that kid wants to RUN.

In all, today was another good day and I realized that as my babies are learning and growing as children I am doing the same as a mom. My reflex's are getting super strong and I think the eyes are starting to grow in the back of my head.

Everyday is a new day, I sort of wish they wrote one of those What to Expect books....What to Expect Each Morning You Wake Up A Mommy.

More Than Enough

2010-07-22T22:03:00.002-04:00

I'm elbow deep in this book and it is not letting me down. Amazing thoughts and very spiritually driven. Still on the road to tossing aside the norms of the "modern culture" and rework our financial philosophy, this book is far more about integrity, giving with your spiritual gifts and setting a foundation for moral and hardworking children. Good stuff.

Still my #1 Insomniac Outlet

2010-07-21T15:53:00.004-04:00

My current "I can't sleep because Ryan is not home" outlet is AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. I will always be a PostSecret fan and I love the best of Youtube, but I am sort of hooked on this hilarious web page.

Do I really need to explain how awesome this is?

Sniffle of the Week

2010-07-19T14:05:00.008-04:00

The playdates with Makayla and Addison have changed way more than my heart has been prepared for. I am not doing very well lately with my kids getting older. I think it is because Addison is just getting so self sufficient and the whole potty training was far more depressing than helpful (hey, but she still needs me to wipe her butt...I am still needed!) My friend Jodie does not make it easier by sending me a ton of old photos from some of the girls first few playdates.

This was their first playdate. Addison is around 2 months old. This was this past Friday and I am pretty sure I am going to be the mom that cries at every landmark and everyone in our family knows I save EVERYTHING.

I know it is gross, but I even saved her dried umbellica cord stump and even the pregnancy tests I took. Don't judge me-I'm "sentimental" (my loving husband affectionatly calls me a neurotic horder).

Her first day of school will for sure be a pinnacle moment in my line of mental breakdowns, I don't want to even think about Baylor...shes not allowed to grow up period.

Free time...

2010-07-17T09:49:00.003-04:00

Ryan's new job is 2nd shift, which is a very odd shift; 3pm-11:30pm. He has been working overtime too and not getting home until about 4 am. Naturally, instead of sleeping I lay awake and play on the Internet. I've read 2 books in a week and I have been doing most of my fall lesson planning at summer school. So, that results in many more blog posts.

Today I introduce to you a gold nugget that I discovered late last night: akwardfamilyphotos.com AND akwardfamilypetphotos.com. The photos are hilarious, but the comments are even funnier. I already picked two out that I am using for writing prompts in the fall. I hope you enjoy a few of my favs:

Playdate with Miss Makayla

2010-07-16T20:35:00.008-04:00

My good friend Jodie has a little girl a few months older than Addison and they are the best of buds. We have been getting them together since Addison was around 3 months (that was a really boring play date).

We had a great play date today and Jodie takes the most beautiful photos. Baylor is getting to the age where she is getting involved with the big girls more and they were just little fishies in the pool. Overall another blessed and beautiful day!

Content

2010-07-15T22:41:00.003-04:00

Content is a beautiful word and an even more beautiful feeling. It took me 31 years to get here, I should be annoyed with myself that I took so long- but I am just happy I'm feeling it now.

Four books before bed with my girls, a big "I knew I could count on you" from Addison (all I did was get her a drink of water...that was an easy one) and nothing can get me down. This is a much better way to live my life and a great way to end another simple and blessed day.

HOLY CRAP, A JOB!!!!

2010-07-12T21:38:00.004-04:00

Yippee!!! Ryan got a job today and starts tomorrow!

I have a million and one reasons why this is amazing and even better this is actually a good job with all of the bells and whistles-a true gift from God.

The learning, growing and sacrificing have all been worth it...we knew that, but it is sure nice to actually feel it.

I'm slightly worried about childcare because I am working all summer, but who cares...this is huge and we'll figure it out!

The turn around is starting to get momentum and we are very grateful for it.

Calling Mommy's Bluff...the Kindness of Addison

2010-07-12T21:15:00.008-04:00

Tonight at dinner Addison was very clear that she did not want her food. We don't give her options and she does not like it. She gets over it. She won't starve one night and she is learning that fruit snacks and cheese are not suitable substitute for a family dinner.

Tonight we explained to her that if she wasn't going to eat then we would give it to little kids that did not have enough to eat. She was very blessed to have food and they were not.

I figure this would teach her about compassion and maybe get her to eat with a little reverse psychology. Holy crap, she demanded that we get in the car and take the food right now. She even went and got a plastic baggie out of the kitchen. "Mommy, they are so hungry...we need to feed them now. I don't like this, so I help them".

She would not let it go. I felt sort of lost, I had no idea where I was suppose to take a bag of pancakes (yes, we like to have "brinner") at 6:30 in order to feed hungry kids? She wanted to come too "I can't wait to help them so much mommy, I am going with you".

Luckily grandma and papa stopped over just at the right time to distract her. I couldn't be prouder, but geesh...she had me on the carpet. She would not take "mommy will take care of it tomorrow" for an answer. I need to figure out where I can really take her to feed the hungry.

I feel that every single child has somethings that they are naturally gifted at. Addison is gifted with language and nurturing. She just makes me so proud caring about others...poor kid use to sob when the Human Society commercials (the Sarah Mclachlan music pulling your heart strings) came on "the poor puppies mommy, they are so scarred". She wasn't even 2 yet.

It is just so amazing to know that she already is who she is going to be. I may have a hand in supporting her and guiding her as she develops her gifts, but she is already pre-wired to be someone. It is so weird to watch this unfold. I am learning quite a bit about how to be a better human from my little one.

Twinkly Toes

2010-07-11T22:54:00.006-04:00

Addison somehow is aware of Skechers and their little girls shoes called Twinkle Toes. I have no idea where she learned about these shoes or how my 2-year old already has brand recognition, but she told her grandma Ginger she loved them and "needed" them. 3 hours later grandma presents Addison AND Baylor Jane with their own pairs.

All I can think of is Punky Brewster and how insane it is for someone to pay 40 dollars a pair for a 2 year old and a 15 month old. None the less my girls are proud owners.

Baylor Jane's are metallic pink and they light up, they are pretty stinking cute. I think they may actually might induce a seizure if you are in a dimly lit room. Overall, I am not happy that Addison is already a label reader and I am going to work on this.

The shoes are something to put down in the mommy journal as an entertaining moment in their history as my babies and on a hilarious note, Baylor will not stop marching around the house so that her shoes will light up.She laughs hysterically the whole time, while pointing at her feet. I will certainly post pictures of them in their kicks, soon, but I hope it is quite a while until Addison asks for a Coach purse. She's been eyeing one of mine (Ive never even bought myself one, all gifts from my mom). We'll just let one of the grandmas field that request too:)

"You'll be Okay"

2010-07-10T10:35:00.006-04:00

Ryan's Aunt Jane died last week and yesterday we took the trip up to Ann Arbor for her memorial. It was nice for the whole family to come together to celebrate Aunt Jane.

She was a pioneer and an amazing women who loved all things living, her obit puts it all together beautifully.There is a crazy story though that I forgot to share:

The day before Aunt Jane died Ry's mom took the girls to visit Aunt Jane. She loved them and would send books to them and light up the moment they walked in the room. I mean her passion was working with small children, so it was an honor for me to have the girls around her last few years. I think they made her feel young again.

Anyhow, as they were leaving Wednesday night Addison turned for no reason and said casually to Aunt Jane "You'll be Okay". There was no prior conversation, no prompt-she just turned and said it. Aunt Jane passed in her sleep the next day.

I asked Addison about Aunt Jane the morning we found out and she said "mommy, Aunt Jane is in her old living room, shes sleeping for a while...she's going to relax for like a week." I was stunned. Aunt Jane moved out of her old house on the hill in Ann Arbor about 6 years ago...she loved that house and the living room. Weird.

Perhaps the most emotional part is that the Addison's story made it into the eulogy. In fact they closed with saying "Addison has it right, Jane and all of us will all be okay in the arms of Jesus". As you can imagine I sort of lost it.

Children have something so magical to them, I wish there was a way we could keep a hold of that and not loose it as adults.

Aunt Jane

2010-07-07T19:41:00.005-04:00

Ryan's Aunt and Baylor Jane's namesake died in her sleep over the weekend and I just wanted to reflect on how remarkable she was. A few weeks shy of her 90th, Aunt Jane was a retired professor from the University of Michigan and one amazing woman. She loved my babies very much and gave me the respect and intellectual stimulation that I don't normally get from family. She was just cool.

Aunt Jane made such progress in education, the role of a woman in her generation and she just understood why I love to read and learn. One of the last things she said was that I need to get my Ph.D...hmm-not sure if I have the money or energy for that, but when Jane speaks you listen.

Anyhow, I've linked her obituary (which Ryan's cousin Michelle wrote and I think it is beautiful!) and I just want to honor her and thank her for being in my life the last 8 years. My girls were very blessed to get a few years of Aunt Jane's hugs.

Ummm, wow. Really?

2010-06-23T17:16:00.004-04:00

Ah, competition. Friendly's is trying to one up the KFC Double-Down in a quite a valiant effort-with their Grilled Cheese Burgermelt. Check out the linked article...the fat grams on this bad boy are staggering.

I think I am fatter just from reading the article and this picture is about as close to this sandwich as I am going to get. Yikes!

Talk about a middle finger to healthy living-

Blink

2010-06-13T23:15:00.006-04:00

and you'll miss it

Addison informed me that she was happy to pee and poop like a big girl now AND that I was her best friend because we go on imaginary adventures together-today we drove a helicopter through the house and last night we jumped into a book to get a bottle of perfume.

It smelled beautiful.

I want to cry (sometimes I do, I never knew saying good bye to diapers was that big a deal) because this is all going by too fast, I still visit the vivid memory of holding her, just me and my girl, in my hospital room after everyone went home her first night alive. It was just the two of us and I still can't believe what I have been chosen to do.

She is growing into such an amazing and compassionate little girl. So smart and beautiful...very aware of others and the big world around her. She is a nurturer for sure.

Don't get me started on Baylor Jane...she is babbling like a crazy person and every few words she clearly states "Good Girl", "hello" or "hot dog". I thought she was going to be our quite and reflective one. Fat chance...she is more of a dare devil than Addison and she learns too much from her...I'm not talking the alphabet ; manipulation, climbing skills and how to drive us overall nutty.

This was just a weekend that once again reminds me that I am taking part in a miracle raising these two little women and I am just so honored to be doing this with my husband. We aren't the worlds most perfect parents, but I know I am having a blast on this adventure.

That's a good sign right?

If I had a Million Dollars...

2010-06-10T20:12:00.006-04:00

I'd be a stay-at-home mom.

I am really having a rough time right now being away from my girls. Financial issues have forced me to pick up a lot of extra jobs over the last few months and I have spent quite a few hours during the week away from home on top of my regular job. I am doing what needs to be done to keep this family a float but it is really getting to me.

I am working all summer and I am already sort of at my breaking point.

I have always dreamed of staying at home and raising our children. I was very blessed to be home 12 weeks when Addison was born and 5 months with Baylor. I just desperately want to be with them all of the time.

I have always said that the summers is when I will get to be an at-home mom, but I have still taught summer school for the last three summers. This summer I am picking up even more hours than the last two and I just feel a little bummed by it.

So, if I magically had a million dollars dropped in my lap I wouldn't go on an amazing vacation or go all crazy spending it on outlandish things. I would simply get caught up on the mess that unemployment brings and then stay at home giving my babies they extra love and attention I really wish I could afford to give them.

I Will be So LOST on Tuesdays Now

2010-05-23T15:16:00.004-04:00

I have never been addicted to a television show where I feel sad if I miss the opening 5 minutes.

Sure, I have shows I really like and have watched pretty regularly, but I have never been so hooked on a show that I am actually pretty sad it is about to end.

I am a dedicated LOST fan and I don't feel embarrassed to admit it.
My only regret is that I don't have friends that follow it like me. I really wanted to throw a themed party for tonight's epic finale.

It would have been a cool party, invites that look like Oceanic flight 815 tickets...Dharma Initiative labels on all of the chips and sodas. O'well. I will be stuck to the TV all by myself tonight.

MammaSocks...

2010-05-19T22:28:00.005-04:00

I am not a usual American Idol follower, I was blessed to catch the Pants on the Ground guy as it was happening but I really didn't know anyone's names or even how many were left...until two weeks ago.

My interest was peaked with all of this Crytal Bowersocks madness. I thought "really, is she that big of a deal?". Big deal, she is from Northwest Ohio...I decided to see for myself and...

Man...she is phenominal.

I watched the last two weeks and then downloaded a few more songs and I am in love with her voice. I am not buying t-shirts nor did I go downtown for the parade, but I am glad she is in the finals and I think she is pretty talented. She is going to be one of those timeless artists, there is a honesty to her and darn can she belt it out.

I will admit that I am sort of embarrassed to admit all of this, I feel like American Idol is a guilty pleasure; right up there with the Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey AND Orange County (not an Atlanta fan...Kim is ucky and NeNe needs to wear bras).

I don't even mind the dreads, she carries them off. I have my fingers crossed for her, but I think she is going to do great things- win or lose.

Great Words of Advice

2010-05-16T22:42:00.003-04:00

Not one of the more artistic Post Secret cards...but darn is the advice relevant.

Portrait Innovations...More Like Portrait Pain in the Butt.

2010-05-16T22:21:00.005-04:00

Grandma Steer wanted pictures of the girls-her treat, so we went for pictures.

Ugggg...

Four packs of fruit snacks, Addison "almost" popping into another families photos, Baylor running in circles and a sweaty mommy later and I have decided that we are officially sticking to our girl Nicole Stover. No more studio stuff.

Running around outside is WWWWAAAAYYYY easier than studio B.S. I was never a huge fan of the studios, but they are cheap if you have self control...which I did not have the first two times I went when Addison was born. 200.00 later I have envelopes of wallets and 5x8 that I have no use for.

Anyhow, I love Nicole's work and I think I am making her the official Steer family photographer. I figure, if I can't afford the shots we don't need them.

Diggin the Duggars...

2010-05-10T12:56:00.002-04:00

I know that I am suppose to think the Duggar's are odd, but I am just really fascinated by them. I think the fact that they are weird is why I like them. I think most normal "rules" in society are maybe not the best.

I hope I am brave enough to do half of the things they are doing-I am still trying to cut the umbilical cord with television and though I wouldn't make my girls wear long denim skirts I certainly applaud the Duggar's emphasis on modesty.

Just because society has changed and taken most of us along for the ride, doesn't mean I don't think the old-school modesty and simplicity is nice. Plus, I LOVE that they do everything in cash and have no debt.

It is clear from the last few seasons that they have been getting a bit more funding from TLC, but they did just fine years ago and I love it.

I keep praying for their little Josie and more power to them!

Oh, yeah...and my grandma's sister had 18 kids. I agree that it sounds crazy, but I think it is cool to have all the kids your house can hold. One of four, it makes me sad that we may not be able to afford more than two. My parents always said that after four it gets easier...something about the oldest helping a lot more-that explains my role in the family:)

I Just Realized...

2010-05-08T23:16:00.002-04:00

Yup, I just realized the bunny thing going on my blog.

Not intended.

Sorry, its weird.

Very Happy Unbirthday to YOU!

2010-05-08T14:34:00.003-04:00

Addison is OBSESSED with Alice in Wonderland and anything related to it.

So, I am wishing everyone a very happy unbirthday. I am glad you were born!

The Turtle Wins the Race Every Time and Other Musings about my Life

2010-05-06T22:24:00.007-04:00

We have our last Financial Peace class next week and I am both joyful and sad to finish out the 13 weeks. Though we have a LONG way to go, we have made so many serious changes to the way we live that I am actually pretty excited to see what the future has in store.

All the extra jobs and making all of the cuts (which seem like no big deal now...bring it on) is so worth being out of debt in the next few years. I just keep dreaming of the day when our only expenses are living and the mortgage.

I feel like Dave Ramsey and his teachings has had such a huge part in saving our life and our marriage.

As for surrendering...I am knee deep in The Me I want to Be and it is quite a soul opener. Letting go has been so amazing and difficult at the same time and each day I sit down and read I feel a little bit better about the progress I am making in my own spiritual journey. It is pretty cool how all of the stress of the last few months has actually given me the push to find the spirituality I had been negelecting for so long.

This conitunes to be a segment of my life that has had so much change. There has been so much heartache and so much beautiful redemption, I have found solace in patience and taking the time to let things unravle as planned. I think it is perception and attitude that has made all the difference and I am glad that I have finally matured enough to say that aloud:)

So, to all the growth that has happened and to all that will be in the future...I look forward to the journey. I am working on getting better at paying attention to the scenic route and stop getting hung on things like bumpy roads, expensive cars and stormy surroundings.

It is not easy, but I am trying.

I Miss My Old Puppy?

2010-05-03T22:52:00.003-04:00

I know this sounds weird but....

Baylor pooped on the floor before her bath last night-sick right?

Addison peed all over my bedroom tonight, we are having quite an adventure with potty training and she also is fascinated with taking her clothes off-sick and weird, right?

Well, what is the most messed up (and 100% the mommy in me) is that both bathroom malfunctions made me miss our old puppy, Peter.

He was a really messed up little man with some serious issues and we had to find him a new home when he tried to attack Addison (he had like 3 teeth, it was not a very vicious attack). He peed and pooped in the house out of spite or if were gone longer than he liked. But I loved him, he was so much work and I think he tried to kill me twice on the basement stairs, and I think about him once in awhile.

Well, I am circling the airport on this one. Bottom line, my kids are more work right now than my anxiety ridden rescue puppy was when it comes to toilet related occurrences. Never thought I'd say that in this lifetime. Never thought I would use my left over pet deodorizer to clean up my bedroom over a year after I no longer owned a dog.

If you knew our Peter you would know exactly what I am referring too-he was soooo messed up.

The more I think about it, the only time I really get melancholy is when one of my children does something weird with poop, pee or biting.

I believe we will stick to Addison's fish for our family pet right now (named Mimi-dogg).

These Commercials are Killing Me

2010-04-28T22:37:00.002-04:00

I can not stop laughing at the new series of Kotex ads. Finally, someone made advertising that was sarcastically commenting on what I have been making fun of for years.

I was just introduced to the "take care of your beaver" commercial. Yeah, I'm not sure I will see it on the local stations. Check it out on YouTube, it will either make you completely offended or pee your pants from laughter. I sort of did both...I know-TMI.

1.2.3....Awww, How Cute! The Hubby is Blogging!

2010-04-27T22:48:00.005-04:00

My adorable husband decided he wanted to keep a blog. Check him outYeah...You're Right. He makes me smile and I can't wait to read what's on his mind. With two wild kids we don't always get to share the little things with each other, it may be nice to take little peaks into his brain that parenthood and life no longer permit.

God Bless him too, he is so worried that his writing won't be good enough:) I think he is going to be great!

P.S. His header photo is pretty cute, he loves bulldogs and he always says our youngest child is a little bulldog. We'd own one if the darn things didn't cost $2000!

Ahh, The Teenage Years Are Going to be AWESOME!

2010-04-22T21:39:00.003-04:00

Addison statement of the day:

"Mom, you are freaking me out here".

Need I remind everyone that she is 2. Lord grant me the strength.

The Naked Chef Does America

2010-04-17T21:59:00.005-04:00

I am so hooked on Food Revolution. If you haven't heard of the show or Jamie Oliver's movement, please check it out. Plus, he is just so stinking cute!

You Have 0 Friends

2010-04-08T17:31:00.004-04:00

I watched South Park for the first time in years and I stumbled on this little jewel. So hilarious! It's all about the insanity of Facebook! The most interesting is the madness of miscommunication and how people take status updates and comments way too serious.`

I love it! Check it out:You Have 0 Friends

Funny O' the Hour

2010-04-06T16:29:00.006-04:00

At this moment I am laughing so hard I might pee. I had to post this asap!

I am sitting in the basement doing bills (in wonderful silence) when all I start to hear over the monitor is the adorable sound of Addison singing "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas.

She is really getting into it.

Don't Worry, Be Happy...Birthday.

2010-04-05T00:08:00.006-04:00

Yesterday may have been one of the best days I have had in years and one of the top 3 birthdays so far. 31 (I'm done with the YIKES...I feel good about being alive thank you!) is going to be a great year no matter what.

Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, I just really had a good day. I am very blessed, the girls were giggling and the sun was shining. My family was all around and I got a Vera Bradley bag:) I didn't expect the bag at all so it was a nice surprise. In fact, I really didn't even realize I wanted one. It is super cute and I love it, thanks mom! She always knows what works for me, even when I have no clue.

I'm looking forward to making more days like these. It was a lot easier than I realized, all I had to do was smile and open my eyes.

Just Because...

2010-04-02T17:02:00.004-04:00

She makes me smile

My Kids LOVE Bubbles

2010-04-02T16:52:00.002-04:00

One thing I know for sure, my girls would stay outside for hours if bubbles are involved. Uncle Gregory gave Baylor the greatest bubble machine for her birthday and it is fantastic. Spent about 2 hours playing with it at Baylors party and got another 1 out of it this afternoon.

Working out is Hard to Do...down, dooby do, down,down

2010-03-31T22:22:00.006-04:00

Yeah, lame title and I had the song in my head all day anyway. But-

I just get on a pretty good schedule and I was feeling like I MIGHT take care of my "little" weight problem. Ryan and I were even working out together on Saturday mornings and it was nice.

Then he gets surgery and boom...I can't a free minute to get race through 30 minutes. He is in a sling and can't even hold his babies, let alone be left alone with them.

Boo. I refuse to let this get me off track. It is just so stinking hard to rally up the babysitter troops. They help so much, but my options are very limited.

here is my resolve:as my three sizes smaller jeans (from 3 years ago might I add) are my witness I will keep working out. I need to loose about 10 pounds more before I can start up my running training and I refuse to keep the old and athletic me locked up much longer.

Okay, so I put it on writing and I am posting it on the web...I can't back down now-right?

Thems Be Fightin' Words

2010-03-30T21:33:00.002-04:00

Baylor and Addison just had their first real fight. Really.

It consisted of Baylor shaking her head (which is adorable by the way)shouting her own version of NO and then Addison saying YES!. It started as Addison goofing around and then it got serious. It really made Addy mad that Baylor was saying no to her and it was pretty obvious that Baylor enjoyed the fact that it made Addy mad she was saying no to her:) Back and forth for like 5 minutes...aggghhh.

I wanted to laugh, but at the same time I really just wanted to cry. They have officially become "sisters". Lock up their closets and drawers, I see wars over clothing in my near future.

Enjoying the Small Things-Kelle Hampton

2010-03-24T23:05:00.003-04:00

I am so moved and so in love with this story. Kelle Hampton has used blogging in a way that I respect on such a high level and it warms my heart to read her beautiful and honest story.

I've linked her background story and her blog (Enjoying the Small Things). Kelle Hampton and her beautiful little family simply warm my heart.

Inglorious Basterds

2010-03-15T18:05:00.002-04:00

After months and months, I finally was able to see Inglorious Basterds...I loved it! It might be my favorite movie of the moment. The first 15 minutes are so intense I almost couldn't stand it.

Next on my "to see" list...Green Zone. I hope I won't have to wait until it comes out on DVD.

Addison, oh Addison...

2010-03-06T12:22:00.002-05:00

Addison quote of the day...

"mommy, you look fabulous, simply fabulous".

Really, when did she turn into Samantha from Sex in the City?

Lost?

2010-03-04T15:25:00.004-05:00

Dear Lost,

Where the heck are my answers? I have lots and lots of theories, but the mental pretzel that keeps getting knotted tighter and tighter is about to make my snap. Please throw me a bone here.

Yours truly,

H

P.S. Where is Charles Widmore and please tell me he is in John Locks body.

Best of Youtube

2010-03-04T15:20:00.004-05:00

I am obsessed with The Best of Youtube. A collegue of mine started using clips for writing activities in his classroom and I got interested. Now I am addicted. I watch much less tv now, but I read and watch way too much internet material.

It is almost (I stress ALMOST) as addictive as PostSecret and Stumbleupon.

Yikes!

2010-03-02T13:34:00.005-05:00

...I learned from blogger.

I just took a trip back to 2006, yup I went and read my old posts. Man, I am so boring these days.

Back then I was stupid, sophomoric, funny, irrelevant and I was clearly having fun. The last two years is a mix of "cute", "matronly", and "reflective". Nice and all, but I am sick of being those three things. I love my babies, but I think they have sucked the ME out of me.

Like my horrible and short "mom hair", I am growing it out and trying to find a balance of who I was in my twenties with who I am now. Ughh, this is going to take effort:)

Birthday for My Bear?

2010-02-27T13:43:00.003-05:00

Baylor is one March 24Th and I can't believe I am planning my second 1st birthday party. Addison is our little Tinker Belle so we went all fairy for her. I work hard to keep a balance for Baylor on photos and attention on milestones...you sort of loose the gusto on the 2nd, but I try.

Anyhow, I'm thinking Care Bears. Her nickname is "the bear", I thought it would be cute. We shall see.

Sista's

2010-02-27T10:28:00.005-05:00

I am publicly documenting these instances of cuteness and civility because my spidey- senses tell me that these moments will become few and far between the closer we get to the teen years.

Dave Ramsey: You Sweet, Sweet Man

2010-02-24T22:24:00.002-05:00

My husband and I first were introduced to Dave Ramsey close to 3 months ago and he has already changed our lives in more ways than financially. A non-attender and in serious doubt, I hadn't been to church in a LONG time. My mom knew how tough things have been financially and suggested we attend a three week series at her church with Dave Ramsey. Drawn in my Ramsey and hooked by the rest of the church, we were hooked and haven't missed a day since. We started his Total Money Makeover and we are now in his 13 week Financial Peace University class. It is unreal. Could a financial "guru" actually set off a series of events that have lead to so much peace and clarity? Crazy.

Tonight we had our 2nd FPU class and I just feel so good about our future. We are slowly waking up from a nightmare that has lasted nearly 6 months, but we are slowly rising from the ashes. I feel excellent about the positive changes happening in our lives and I am very blessed for the transformations we (yes we, Ryan has grown even more than me and I am so proud) have been experiencing.

Taking stock of my life the last few months, opening my eyes to toxic people and just finally breathing in the blessed and beautiful things in my life has allowed me to better heal from the pain.

I look forward to the next 11 weeks of class and the next 60 years of my life...it feels good to say these things out loud and if feels amazing to go through a full day with out sobbing fearing yet another bottom falling out.

I would love to shake Mr. Ramsey's hand, send a gracious thank you to my husband, family and real friends and just smile at God.

Through the Ears of a Child...

2010-02-14T16:03:00.002-05:00

After long periods of painful and constant ear infections I am now the proud mother of two babies under three with tubes. Baylor Jane just got hers and Addison has reached the one year mark.

Second tube operation in one year got me thinking, what is it like to have your ears so full of fluid and so tender and irritated from infection and then magically they are clear? I have witnessed changes with both girls almost overnight from their surgeries and I just wonder how trippy it is for them.

It is hard to imagine what it is like to be so small and learning so much about life and human function (speech, balance/walking, pain) with such a disadvantage and then the disadvantage disappear.

Either way, I am very grateful that both my girls are doing great and we are so very blessed. Baylor is taking steps and her language skills have stepped it up tremendously in a little under a week. Crazy.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Boo Hoo Me.

2010-01-23T17:15:00.003-05:00

I am sort of deflated by lack of readership and support. I am thinking of just quiting my blog.

I started this experience as a way to journal my thoughts on life and reflect on my days in a life that I am still very amazed to be living. I just think I would be better suited putting my thoughts down in a traditional journal.

It is far more painful than I ever realized to keep a blog up that no one reads. I guess I didn't intend to have that matter to me as much as it does, but it does:( the worst is reading other blogs and most get an average of 4-7 comments. I'm not trying to whine (which I am) but I just don't like feeling icky about it.

Anyhow, I figure if someone comments in the next week I'll stay on. If not, I'm sticking to pen and paper. No sense wasting cyberspace trying to be part of the "cool crowd". We shall see.

Baylor Girl is on the Go and Addy Bird is Capitalzing Off of the Chaos.

2010-01-03T00:17:00.003-05:00

This two kids mobile thing is for the birds. New Years Eve was exhausting because we are not use to two moving rapidly. Baylor usually sits gleefully with toys and just chills. This allows a double team effort on Addison. Not anymore!

Baylor is getting quicker and quicker each day and I am thinking that walking is going to be the death of me.

The cutest part of her new skills is the morning greet. Most mornings Baylor is laying in bed, sometimes sitting, with a smile. Now, we are greeted by a two tooth stand up salute. She has been standing along her crib rail with a big cheesy grin with such pride. She really does love standing.

sigh.

Holy Crap....

2010-01-02T00:43:00.003-05:00

Baylor just stood on her own. Second kid, still shocks me. I'm not ready for how well she is crawling and cruising this week and I am DEFINITELY not ready for walking. Crap!

Ohh, that Tebow...He's Such a Nice Kid

2010-01-01T23:57:00.005-05:00

My husband has been a Florida Gators fan since childhood. He visited his grandparents every summer in Florida and just likes to follow the team. I am also a fan of Urban Mayer since he graced BGSU during my undergrad days.

Anyhow, I was watching the Sugarbowl and I thought I would look up EPH 2:8-10 since Tim Tebow wrote it on his eye paint. It moved me that a kid (and he is a kid) that has so much talent and accomplished so much at such a young age credits his gifts as the work of God and openly thanks his relationship with God for his life. It was just nice.

So, here is the actual bible versus Tebow was highlighting during tonight's game:

Ephesians 2:8-10 (New International Version)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I'm Gonna Do It...I'm Running in a Marathon!

2009-12-27T22:24:00.004-05:00

Yup, since I was about 14 I've wanted to run a marathon. I promised myself when I got pregnant with Addison that I would run one. Then I got pregnant with Baylor. Then I stayed busy and "lumpy". Now, I'm going to do it!

I've had a lot of focus lately and when the Lord wants things to fall into place they do quite nicely. I work in a amazing school district ran by man and I call quite a few truly remarkable human beings my colleagues. Together we are all working on training for the Chicago Marathon in October. This is the support I really need to reach my goal.

I really need to ease myself back into running and shed quite a few pounds to take the pressure off of my joints, I will certainly be writing about my journey. Basketball season ends Feb. 11 and I am very excited for this new adventure. Heavy training starts around June, but I want to run in a 5K on Valentines day and quite a few 5Ks in prior to the summer.

Most of all I think it will be really nice to have something that is just for me. Being a mom has really taken an element of "individual attention" away from myself and I think getting back to "me" in a healthy way will help my focus and regain my long gone body confidence.

I keep telling myself that "you gave birth to two very large babies with out an epidural, a marathon is nothing". I kind of joke about it, but I did prepare for labor with hypno-birthing and lots of breathing/focus techniques. We shall see...

I am so excited for the adventure. I feel such a positive energy from so much of the changes my family and I have been going through and I can't wait to start posting about my progress.

My bear the crawler!

2009-12-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

The time has come and Baylor Jane is actively crawling. It officially happend this afternoon, she made it a full distance and with ease. Walking looks pretty near (a month or so if I am gauging it right, I really thought she would skip crawling...she is far more interested in pulling up on furniture).

Heaven help us, I'm not sure we are ready for this. Yikes, I guess this is the lords way of getting me to loose the rest of the baby weight!

Ahhh, the Cycle has Been Broken

2009-12-16T22:56:00.000-05:00

I am proud to say that Addison had kicked the habit. She is no longer a slave to the pacifier. If you have never experienced a toddler "hooked" on a pacifier I can best describe it as the kiddie equivialnt of someone hooked on crack coccaine.

I kid you not, when we first tried to break her of it a few months ago it was BAD! One REALLY bad and sleepless night and we decided to let her make her own decisons on when she was ready to give it up...I mean how often do you see a 13 year old with a pacifier, right?

Well, my precocious little one decided she was done and she has not looked back. I'm sad she is growing up and "only babies need two-twos" (our nickname for the pacifier), but it is so amazing to see her making decisions like this on her own. She is quite a little girl. She also just informed as I am typing this that "mommy...sissy is crawling! It is AMAZING!" She melts my heart.

Open Eyes

2009-12-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

My husband and I have been going through a lot of "stuff" the last six months. I'm sick of thinking about most of it and quite honestly felt my life slipping away from me more times than I'd like to admit, but one thing I would like to say is how blessed these past hardships have made me. I feel a center of peace and hope that it will soon be alright.

The dark period is not fully over, but my eyes have been opened to life, love, friendship and faith. I have finally came back to terms with my faith (which I have been doubting and neglecting for quite some time) and I feel really good about the future. My husband actually enjoys our new church and we have been consistantly going to mass a family. It feels good. I also feel pretty good about disassociating with toxic people that return nothing in regards to support, respect and love.

I've always known that I have had people in my life that were there for show. I have lots of "material stuff" in my life that serves the same purpose. Most of these people are so concerned with how good they look and how high they can climb socially that they don't have the sort of substance and heart I look for in a faithful friend. I can't afford financially or emotionally to hang with them.

So, as I sell off and eliminate unnecissary material goods that serve no purpose to the survivial of my family I think about the people that pose as friends in my life. I also think of how sad it is to be shallow and money driven. It is a life without money that has made me see that all I need is my family and the friends that actually care. Thats all.

Perhaps the nicest hidden blessing is the alination and cutting off that some of these "friends" have done to me and my husband. I'm not fully sure all of them have done it on purpose, but I know a few have for sure (its a small town and people have a uncanny knack of talking). I'm actually relieved. Though I am slightly confused why people turn for reasons out of my control, I am relieved that I didnt have to be the person to "divorce" a "friend". Its easier to let time drive the wedge, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to cut someone out. Since it has been done to me I dont have to have the guilt and I'm not hurt at all. It is actually a rare gift.

As the new year is around the corner and I feel a heavy weight slowly lifting off of me I look forward. I look forward to building old and true relationships and I look forward to creating new ones. Most of all I look forward to staying true to my new sense of self and way of living. I feel like a slow moving version of the Phoenix. My rise from the flames is going to take awhile, but I will be reborn fully someday soon.

A Conversation with a Two-Year Old Goes Like This...

2009-12-05T18:08:00.000-05:00

Mommy: "Addison...do you think you could give all your two-twos' {pacifier} to Santa for Christmas?
He can give them to little babies that really need them."

Addison: {very, very seriously} "wwweeelll..." extremely long and dramatic pause with a very deep and analytic face followed by a stroking of the chin

"I guess so" followed by a very dramatic shrug of the shoulders

Hilarious!

Wheew, My Sister's Keeper!

2009-11-30T10:42:00.003-05:00

Okay, last blog of the day. I haven't posted in weeks so I had a lot to say. My Sisters Keeper...seriously broke my heart!

Crazy ending and probably not the most uplifting book for a women with two wee daughters, 2 years and 8 months, but I loved it. It was so beautiful and painful at the same time and I had a very hard time pulling myself away from my baby girls cribs after I finished reading. I just watched them sleep forever.

Great read!

Blink and You'll Miss It!

2009-11-30T10:29:00.003-05:00

So, Addison has been two for an entire month, Baylor Jane is pulling up and looking way more interested in walking than crawling and I am feeling my life as a mother speed past me in one huge breeze. It is TOO FAST and I don't know how to slow things down.

Believe me, I work very hard to save every moment. Its the little things like Addison squealing at her new booster seat "ohh, I love it...it is so comfortable! Adorable mommy, it is simply adorable!" What two year old says that?

Probably most, but to me it seems like mine is too grown up. Baylor Jane kills me too. She is more than likely my last baby and I am not encouraging any need to grown up. She wants more solid food and keeps stealing Addison's sippy cup. Why!

My real question is "If I am having such a hard time now, what the hell will I do when Baylor Jane is a high school senior and Addison is a college freshman". Please lord grant me the strength to endure what will probably end up with a Very Brady double wedding.

I thought the midnight feedings were tough.

Photos Galore!

2009-11-23T20:52:00.010-05:00

A wonderful friend from back in the day just took the most amazing photos of my family. I am so proud of Ry, the bird and the bear! I just love sharing these awesome shots and I HIGHLY recommed Nicole Stover Photography to all families. She was a blast and did such an outstanding job! Thanks Nicole!

My Sisters Keeper Update

2009-10-12T22:14:00.002-04:00

This book is breaking my heart and I am now back to my rountine chest check. I go into the girls room every night and put my hand on their chests. I just feel better knowing they are breathing and they are so stinking perfect when they sleep. I am very blessed and I thank God every day for our beautiful gifts.

I am certainly getting gut checks from this novel and I keep sobbing while reading it. I hope I finish soon, I'm not sure I can handle the emotional exhaustion. I only get pockets of time at night to read and I am already worn out. My husband thinks I am crazy!

My Sisters Keeper

2009-10-06T22:51:00.002-04:00

I started reading My Sisters Keeper. I've wanted to read it for a very long time and I finally started it. I'm pretty sure I am my own worst enemy because I am three chapters in and I am already crying. Not so smart to read a book with a narrative p.o.v.'s that is a mother at the point in her life when she discovers her 2 year old has cancer. Downer.

I really think it is well written so far, I'm just bummed.

Getting to Know Me...

2009-09-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

I snagged this from TurtleParade. Thought it was fun and I don't feel like grading..Enjoy.

1. Who was your first prom date? Jeff K. His mom arranged flowers so my corsage was beautiful (all full size red roses). He borrowed his brothers sports car so it would match my dress and he was super sweet. He is married and has three adorable girls. I saw them at Meijer last year and he is still such a good ole' nice guy. Great daddy too.
2. Do you still talk to your first love? Yes, he just flipped from The Office to ESPN and I yelled him to turn it back.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Screwdriver at my friend Shannons house New Years Eve 1995. Her older brothers friends told me I would lose all of my awards and I would loose my position as class president because I was drinking. I remember crying and then having to get up and go to basketball practice. TurtleParades dad was one of my coaches and he looked as pissed to be at practice on New Years day as I was.
4. What was your first job? babysitting, then The Soda Fountain
5. What was your first car? 1985 Chevey Nova...fondly refferred to by all four teen drivers in my family as the SuperNova (I also called her my little avon lady).
6. Who was the first person to text you today? No texts right now....long story but phones are shut off. Im going insane!
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? First People...my Addison and Baylor Jane.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Ms. Spittler
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Florida, I was 24. Is that lame or what?
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Shannon, not too often. Mostly on Facebook. Grew apart after high school.
11. Where was your first sleepover? I think my old and dear friend Hollies, I think.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My husband...and he is a grumpalumpagus in the mornings...geesh.
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? Hollie's
14. What was the first thing you did this morning? I ate a bowl of Cheerios
15. What was the first concert you went to? The Monkee's reunion tour. I was around 6
16. First tattoo? A strawberry on my back above my right hip. My grandpa always called me his strawberry shortcake. It was for him. I also have a Celtic trinity knot for my other grandpa. I want to get another Celtic knot on my wrist. My sisters and I have trinity knot necklaces our mom got us and my sister Amanda already has her wrist tattooed with it. AJ and I are next...
17. First piercing? ears, I was about a year...I think?
18. First foreign country you went to? Canada and that is it. I need to travel more.
19. First movie you remember seeing? The Dark Crystal
20. What state (province) did you first live in? Ohio
21. Who was your first room mate? Not counting my sister Amanda, Emily at BGSU
22. When was your first detention? I never had one, pretty lucky.
23. When was your first kiss? 7th grade, it was weird and I didn't really kiss anyone again for a few more years. I hope my girls are as prude as I was in high school and I pray that they aren't as wild as I was in college. Maybe it was all the high school suppression?
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? How to dance, I am not graceful at all and I wish I could carry myself with the strength and grace of a dancer. Plus, it just seems like a great way to stay in shape.
25. Who will be the next person to post this? Not sure, I don't really think anyone reads my blog...if anyone ever does thanks!

two-two

2009-09-26T22:08:00.002-04:00

when my little my brother was young he called his pacifier his "two-two". He always had one in his mouth and one in his hand, thus "two-two" was born. For some reason my parents were "two-two "pushers and Addison has been hooked since about 13 months. She is hooked something fierce and she learned to call it her two-two ( we call it dos -dos for code sometimes...it makes up feel sneaky and international)

Addison is very big for her age and looks a bit older than almost two (Halloween birthday...I don't want her to grow up!) and it really bothers me that she needs her pacifier as much as she does. She freaks for it and gets very upset when she can not have one. We really want her to quit.

Well we decided to try taking it away yesterday. UGGG, it was like a crack addict coming down cold turkey. She was up every 2 hours screaming, punching, kicking and squealing for her two-two. She was pretty cranky all day today (as were we) and we are trying it again tonight. I have a gut feeling this night will be worse, I think we might just have to give in and let her decided when she is done using a "baby" toy.

I really DO NOT like the terrible twos...I'm pretty sure I might have a mental breakdown!

Changes...

2009-09-24T18:45:00.004-04:00

So, lost of stuff has been going down the last few months in our house and we are going through a ton of changes starting soon. When I look at where my life was 3 years ago, how simple and free, I can't believe it. I wouldn't change it for the world, but its just a much different life. I also realized that when Addison was 7 months I got pregnant with Baylor, Baylor is 7 months in three weeks...not gonna happen!

I guess when I think about the speed of life it just gets faster and faster the older you get. I hold my Baylor Jane close and I think that Addison was this size a little over a year ago (well not really this size...a smaller version). They grow so fast and I just hurt to think about blinking and missing something.That is quite possible because Addison is very ,very fast!

I'm not sure I have a point to this post, but I desperately wish I could hold on to the moments with my girls just long enough to remember them. Boo and yay life all at the same time!

Crawling...

2009-09-21T21:30:00.002-04:00

We have "up on our knees" and "moving back and forth" for Baylor Jane. We also have rolling EVERYWHERE. I am fearful...this meant crawling was a couple of weeks away for Addison. I am not really sure I am ready for two mobile little ones in my house. The plus side is I may actually get rid of this stupid baby weight... or have a mental breakdown.

PS
Addison continues to say "are you kidding me?" when we ask her to do things she is not excited to do. Almost 2 or almost 13? Seriously!

Updates...

2009-09-07T21:49:00.002-04:00

Addison 22 months, Baylor 6 months.

Addison-Time -out is working, sort of. There is a dire need to discipline her because she might break her neck. She may also be preparing for a career in the circus..."Ta da" and "look at me" come out of her mouth a bit more than I can handle.

Baylor-sits up unassisted and says da da in a very deep and raspy voice. I am afraid I may be raising Kathleen Turner or a very pretty/tiny 65 year old man. I am also very aware that she is more than certainly my last baby and these are the last days I will be cuddling a chubby little bear. I am also not sure what I will do when I have Addison running crazy and Baylor crawling. I am struggling with getting rid of the baby weight...this might be the answer. I barely sit down now...all hell is going to break loose in a few months.

I feel like I am going to wake up and I'll be watching them walk down the aisle...not ready for that at all.

That's A LOTTO Cash...

2009-09-07T21:35:00.002-04:00

I faithfuly check PostSecret every Sunday night. I'm an addict.

This weeks posts made me think of the list R and I made a few years ago for "when" we win the lotto. Its pretty detailed.

We have it all planned out. We would not tell and play it off like we got an inheritance or won a small amount and then did a lot of good investing. Of course we would share with our families, but pretty much we wouldn't do much but pay off debt, up grade our cars take the honeymoon we never had and build a house in a neighborhood that is super nice; but not too fancy. What I find funny about all of our dreams and our little list...we really never buy tickets. We have played the lotto three times in the last three years.

It's just fun to dream I guess.

I just wonder, what would you do with the money if you won the Mega Millions?

18 or 8?

2009-08-27T21:34:00.002-04:00

An 18 year old boy in my 3rd block stood up today in the middle of a power point, took off his shirt, danced a bit, twirled his shirt in the air and then quietly sat back down and put his shirt on. Two things happened:

1. he simply smiled and said he never turns down a dare
2. I wasn't mad or shocked...that is the 2nd time a student has done that in my class.

I'm a little concerned about the second one.

My Brother Cracks Me Up!

2009-08-27T21:22:00.002-04:00

My brother has a job in advertising/media design where he works crazy long hours sometimes and apparently has a bit of down time too. He creates hilarious profile pictures for Facebook and has become a photoshop jedi knight. Often they are of my daughters, but this is probably my favorite.

Seriously, Senior boys?

2009-08-25T22:07:00.002-04:00

First day of school, this semester I'm teaching Honors English 11 and Composition and Literature of Sports; both upper level courses. I like my students so far and I have a lot of my old students. One "fantastic" student in particular, Cory, amuses me daily. Today he did not let me down.

I was finishing an apple after lunch and as Cory walked into the room I threw my apple core into the garbage. Cory ran across the room, screamed "No!...why would you throw that away!" He then pulled the core out, ate it all and then smiled with pride.

Apparently the weirdo loves to eat apple cores.

I'm not sure which disturbed me more:
1. He ate an apple core
2. He ate an apple core pulled from the garbage
3. He ate and apple cores pulled from the garbage after it had been eaten by me.
4. I laughed and I wasn't really shocked.

Banal was one of our vocab words this week...that got giggles every block too. God, I love high school!

Why Blog...

2009-08-22T00:37:00.003-04:00

After posting my blog URL as my Facebook status my little brother politely replied with "tell you what. Ill read your blogs if I can send you zip locked bags of my farts in the mail and you open then up and inhale. Deal?". My brother is pretty funny and likes to mess with me, yet it sort of bothered me.

He's a turd.

So Simple, So Sweet

2009-08-20T15:16:00.002-04:00

I wish I could still get this excited about things. Addison is watching the giraffe walk across the park at the zoo, simply walking. She equally enjoys the hippo when it poops. She mentions it often at home.

The sounds she makes and her giggle make it even better. These two little girls are what make me get out of bed in the morning, I'm pretty sure they are what make me feel like I'm taking crazy pills too:)

"The Road" Less Traveled

2009-08-18T17:13:00.003-04:00

So, school starts in a few days and I have to hustle and catch up on my summer reading. I desperately need to re-read a few things for my honors kids summer reading. I am re-reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road...it definitely changes when you re-read it. I think I like it even more the 2nd time around. It's a great one and the film version looks pretty promising.

I also needed to skim through Jeanette Walls The Glass Castle...that turned into a full re-read too. It has to be one of my favorite books. I don't usually have enough time to read for school and pleasure and it is pretty nice when my reading load becomes a "kill two birds" situation.

Worlds Strongest Baby

2009-08-18T14:39:00.003-04:00

My crafty brother snuck a few pictures of Baylor Jane in her diaper; with a little free time the funniest picture was created. Too cute.

My "Little" Girl?

2009-08-13T21:13:00.004-04:00

Baylor Jane is 20 lbs and five months this week! I love fat babies and my two daughters did not let me down. She is so fun to cuddle and kiss and I just want to eat up her cheeks.

This is my favorite picture of the week (2nd baby and I still take them like crazy...I've heard you take less of the 2nd child than the first born, not buying it)

God I Love The Bear.

5 Random Things...

2009-08-12T16:16:00.001-04:00

I'm a copycat for sure, but this just seemed too fun.

1. When I was nine my dad won a contest on the radio that allowed me to be a clown in the Ringling Brothers Circus at the Toledo Sports Arena. It was petrifying. I was a "Mexican Clown" in a horribly racist sombrero and maracas and we were supposed to run around shoot guns in the air. Horrible.

2. My husband and I watched 2 seasons of 24 in 2 days. It was over Christmas break and we kept trying to stop, but we were so hooked.

3. My junior year of college I went on a blind date with a guy from NYC who bragged that he once went on a date with Natalie Portman. He told me the details about his entire date, it had not gone as well as he had planned. He also happened to be easily 6 inches shorter than me. At the end of the date he tried to kiss me and insisted that he could be Tom Cruise and I would be his Nicole Kidman. Never the less, I did not answer his call for a second date.

4. I absolutely LOVE the grilled cheese sandwiches at Toledo Hospital. I ate at least one a day each time I had a baby. My husband had to go to the hospital with chest pains and while we waited hours for his test results I ran over to the cafeteria. (He was fine, I'm not a horrible wife) They are just so good.

5. I am beginning to like the Disney Channel more than any other channel. I find myself watching it when there are no children in sight. Its pathetic I know, but it grows on you. I never dreamed I would laugh at Hanna Montana...pathetic.

Finally Summer

2009-08-12T15:08:00.002-04:00

I am loving the weather we've been having. I've been in the pool more in the last week than the entire summer, the girls are loving all of the walks we've been taking and I actually have color. I no longer have legs that look like uncooked chicken. Still pale, but at least I'm darker than my baby now.

On the craptastic side of things, with this hot weather comes our AC going out. I'm certainly not loving how hot our little house is and I think that may be why we are always outside. The worst part is that maternity leave has left us broke and nothing left in the budget to fix it, until September! Why would we need it then? I should put a change cup out in front of my house because the rest of the week is calling for the mid-90's. Pool side is calling!

"Robert"

2009-08-10T23:16:00.004-04:00

Somehow Addison learned who Robert Pattinson is and every time she sees a picture of him she shouts with glee "Robert?!!". She then precedes to chant over and over again..."where's Bella?...Bella mama, Bella? Makes me giggle, annoys my husband.

I do find it odd that she refers to him as Robert not "Edward" but she calls Kristen Stewart "Bella". Hmmmm...

P.S. she just kissed the computer screen and said "I love Robert...he cute!"

Damn It...

2009-08-10T22:58:00.003-04:00

Well, if my toddler is going to experiment with repeating mommy's swear words at least she is doing it correctly?

I had to hold back a giggle at the sound of my 21 month old mumbling "damn it" like a grouchy old man when she dropped her sippy cup last week. I read that I should ignore it and she won't keep using a swear word if I don't freak out about it, but the thing is she used it with a real function. She was so clear in her expression of a specific emotion, clearly that would have been my regular reaction too or else she wouldn't have learned it.

Today she shut her door on her foot and she shouted "damn it mommy...that hurt!"

I am more aware than ever how much of a little sponge she is and I am really going to have to work on what I say in front of her. I can expect to have lots of embarrassing moments in the future, I am sure of this.

Twenty One Months Later...

2009-08-08T22:54:00.003-04:00

I am a little shocked that my last post was over 21 months ago and the topic was the gender of my first baby...its a girl by the way! Oh, and I had another girl along the way....two girls under two and I love it. That probably has a lot to do with taking so long to post.

I have a blog for my English students to keep up and I just figure it is time to start blogging again. I want to document as much of my girls childhood as I can, it is flying by way to fast for me to even breathe. Addison is quite a little lady and Baylor is growing at crazy speeds and is such a little charmer.

Heres to hoping it doesn't take me another 21 months for my next post.

So, What are You Having?

2007-10-16T17:53:00.000-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that the best decision I have made with this pregnancy is not finding out the gender. I am so excited to meet this little person and I love the joy on peoples faces after they ask "so, what are you having?" They actually get excited and I usually get a "good for you" or "I couldn't do it, but what a great surprise".

I feel like a kid on Christams Eve.

Oh, and I have been showered with the cutest citrus colored outfits. Not knowing your babies gender is a sure fire way to get super cute chocolate brown and baby blue/lime green outfits.

I can't wait for my Christmas Day!!!!

Oooohh, the Count Down is On!

2007-10-16T17:50:00.000-04:00

On Monday, my midwife estimated I will be giving birth sometime in the next week and a half. I am a little weirded out that it could be any day, but I am ready. Oh, and the other estimate is that our child is more than likely going to be an 8 lb minimum. Darn Ry and his giant baby genes!

Peter the Cat

2007-09-17T18:29:00.000-04:00

My pup is weird. He thinks he is a cat, he climbs on tables and sleeps on the edge of chairs. These two pictures are the latest instalment in his feline identity crisis.

McLovin and Company

2007-09-16T13:30:00.000-04:00

I just watched Superbad...I haven't laughed that hard in very long time. A rarity in comedic movies, the previews are the least funny part of the movie. I recommend this raunchy comedy to anyone that wants to laugh with out thinking to hard!

Gabrielle Reece: My Pregnant Idol

2007-09-04T18:06:00.000-04:00

I have always been a fan of Gabrielle Reece. Since I was in junior high I have looked up to the "Amazon Women" that was beautiful and a killer athlete. Her entire career her height has made her strong...that has helped me become comfortable in my skin. I remember reading her book "Big Girl in the Middle" as soon as it came out and I owe her words for why I stand strait and comfortably have a husband that is shorter than me.

Now, I look up to her as a mother. Reece is 5 months pregnant with her second child and she looks great!

I came home from work today and my husband informed me that the shape of my pregnant body reminds him of Gabrielle...it must be the 6+ feet of torso that we have in common(I resemble a basketball under my shirt). He came across Reece on the Today show discussing her new prenancy fitness program and is working as a part-time correspondant. She has been sharing her fitness advice on how to stay fit each trimester.

As I count down my last eight weeks I am proud that I worked out the entire pregnancy and I can't wait to start running again (my goal is to run a 5k by March). It is quite a motivation to see strong and dominant women like Gabby Reece balancing family, career and keeping her body healthy. I feel like feeling good and staying athletic during pregnancy leads to a healthy mommy. I hope her DVD's come out by the time I have by next baby.

Halloween and Motherhood

2007-08-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

I LOVE Halloween. It is and always has been my favorite holiday. I have always dressed up and I am bummed that I will be too pregnant to throw a party this year (read up on my cross dressing dog). Even if I go early, my baby will be no more than a week old on Halloween so my plans will not go into action until Halloween 08'. But I have them.

For next year I am already going to commit to this adorable costume. I am so ready to be the mom that shows up in full costume and walks the kids to each house. I will probably "pretend" that I am holding my bag for a smaller child...ahhh free candy.

Peter the Poodle has Found His Costume

2007-08-20T21:54:00.000-04:00

I may get this costume for my dog. I am as big as a house and I love Halloween so I think someone has to represent this season. Would I be damaging my male dog if I force him to cross dress?

Two and a half Months...

2007-08-20T21:48:00.000-04:00

As the summer ends I have two and a half months left IF I go 40 weeks ( I am crossing my fingers for October 31st). At this point I feel like I will never give birth, but once school starts back up I have a feeling it might actually get here a lot faster than I realize-good!