Quote of the Moment

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, October 30, 2006

Why guys? Why?

Despite all my efforts to not care about Hollywood celebrities and to not act like they are close personal friends of mine, I still become emotionally attached. The newest shock is Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon.

I refuse to believe they are officially over and I am hoping this story is a load of crap but...This seemingly cookie cutter marriage is splits!? If they can't make it who can?

I am thinking that all those cynical a-holes that think Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins and Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell are wierdos are clearly wasting their energy on what seems to be the longest running relationships in Hollywood (Tom Hanks/Rita Wilson don't count because I think he is a superhuman machine from some planet know for winning Academy Awards and being "nice").

Call me a hopeless romantic or dilusional, but I really think divorce is just the lazy way to say "We went too fast and now we are too lazy to make it work". Ohh, well. I am pouring a little bit of Hennessey out on the floor or Mr. and Mrs. Witherspoon-what will Ava and Duncan do? RIP


roonie said...

Call me a hopeless romantic or dilusional, but I really think divorce is just the lazy way to say "We went too fast and now we are too lazy to make it work".

You clearly didn't come from a family whose parents got divorced. Sometimes it's about going too fast (and most of the time that's the story in Hollywood and with our generation, because no one seems to wait anymore), but that really is a gross generalization, coming from second-hand experience.

Anonymous said...

I am saddened by this...as they were my favorite Hollywood couple.

I don't know much divorce, personally. Just one aunt, and a couple of childhood friend with divorced parents. It really just breaks my heart. I find it difficult to understand why any couple would get married in the first place, I mean - if you don't really know the person you are marrying, then why did you marry them to begin with. I know people change, situations change, but I too think, for the most part, that divorce can be blamed on false ideals, false hopes, and no real grasp on who you are and who your spouse is [in the beginning].

roonie said...

I too think, for the most part, that divorce can be blamed on false ideals, false hopes, and no real grasp on who you are and who your spouse is [in the beginning].

Or maybe false pretenses, and if that's the case, then how would you ever know what you're really getting into?

I think it's easy to hypothesize what divorce is all about when you haven't seen a marriage deteriorate with your own eyes. And easy to blame it on starry eyes and laziness. Oftentimes, it isn't that. People change so much over time, that the person you married may not be the person standing in front of you any longer. Maybe he/she is an alcoholic, abusive, a philanderer, a workaholic...sure, you can work through some things, but how much can you really work through before it can be called a losing battle without idealists deeming the failed marriage a result of "laziness"?

Lady S said...

yeah, I was kind of sad too.

Mostly for the kiddos.

Anonymous said...

I don't know so much laziness is the word I'm looking for...I'm just saying that I think a lot of people do give up too easily. Marriage isn't easy, it isn't a cake-walk. You do have to work, you do have to change, you will change. You have to allow your spouse to change. I just do not believe, in any way, that someone could ever change so much that they are no longer the person you married. If that's the case, they you really didn't know them in the first place.

I've seen my parent change, both of them. I've seen their share of fights...I remember my father moving out for a short time when I was younger. But the difference is that they worked at it. They worked hard. They learned how each other was changing...they learned to accept those changes and embrace those changes, knowing that they too were changing and longing to be once again understood.

I'm not saying that divorce is never warranted. It is. There are times when things just don't work anymore, and I respect that. My opinion is just that there are too many "easy outs." Too many people blame the other. And no, I do not know this for a fact. It is just my opinion. But, American's have become more lazy with everything, and I don't think marriage or divorce is any exception.

Keather said...

I honestly feel bad for appearing to take such an uneducated and not very sensitive stance on divorce. You are right, clearly I have not grown up in a home with divorced parents, but please don't assume what is now thought of as an oddity as ignorance. I certainly have loved ones that have gone through divorce. Not having your own parents go through divorce does not void the pain or experience of a very close friend's dissolving marraige or taking care of young cousins devasted by drug abuse and physical abuse. I have not lived under a white vail of purity and bliss unware that sometimes it is just not healty to be with someone, please give me a little more credit than that. First hand experience clearly does not rate as the only sort of valid experience.

I am primarily reacting to the nonchalant nature of matrimony that seems to be all the rage in our popular society.

It seems to me that with a bit of research the numbers may show that there may be more of a balance of tragic circumstance such as drug addiction, spouse abuse and traumatic life changes with giving up to soon.

I cannot deny that my word choice of "laziness" used in my light hearted blog hit nerves deeper than I intended, but than I have just held the hand of a good friend completing her emancipation from marital bliss (?) who explained to me two weeks before her wedding that she didn't think she was in love with her future husband, but her dress was too die for and she was 26. She just had to go through with it once-I can quote her with "divorce is almost a social badge of honor". This woman is currently working on her Ph.D after receiving two Masters in Psych and Sociology. She just signed her offical divorce papers less than three months prior to what would be her 1 year anniversary.

Going through some of life's bumpy path's, I can tell you from first hand experience that Love is the easiest part of marriage. It is the maitenance that kicks your ass. Constant communication is exhausting and some people just seem to be better at the 100 meter dash than the 3200.

And to put my word choice in perspective, and this IS from first hand experience, perhaps it is usefull to discuss diseases that are too coined as symptoms of society- a Bulemic envies an Anorexic because the control over not eating is so much harder than just purging. An Anorexic finds purging a sign of laziness or weak will and feels solitude in the power of denial. Both are horrible examples(and probably a bit out of left field), but they are just the way people in those situations view the world around them. Even a recovered Anorexic/Bulemic still sees things this way, but they fight to overcome the old ideas.

I am not sure how much that will communicate what I am really trying to say but, I still feel that society condones things to a point that extends beyond equality/freedom and reaches a netherland of "go for it, everyone else has". I do not persume to talk about everyone in the world as if I know there personal situation so perhaps I will become more guarded. But, clearly as someone who is busting her ass off to make her own marriage work I will not lay down to the idea that some people enter marriage as more of a romantic and cool thing to do than a life chaning unity that is going to take a lot more work than merging interior design styles and joing bank accounts.