Quote of the Moment

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday, December 27, 2009

I'm Gonna Do It...I'm Running in a Marathon!

Yup, since I was about 14 I've wanted to run a marathon. I promised myself when I got pregnant with Addison that I would run one. Then I got pregnant with Baylor. Then I stayed busy and "lumpy". Now, I'm going to do it!

I've had a lot of focus lately and when the Lord wants things to fall into place they do quite nicely. I work in a amazing school district ran by man and I call quite a few truly remarkable human beings my colleagues. Together we are all working on training for the Chicago Marathon in October. This is the support I really need to reach my goal.

I really need to ease myself back into running and shed quite a few pounds to take the pressure off of my joints, I will certainly be writing about my journey. Basketball season ends Feb. 11 and I am very excited for this new adventure. Heavy training starts around June, but I want to run in a 5K on Valentines day and quite a few 5Ks in prior to the summer.

Most of all I think it will be really nice to have something that is just for me. Being a mom has really taken an element of "individual attention" away from myself and I think getting back to "me" in a healthy way will help my focus and regain my long gone body confidence.

I keep telling myself that "you gave birth to two very large babies with out an epidural, a marathon is nothing". I kind of joke about it, but I did prepare for labor with hypno-birthing and lots of breathing/focus techniques. We shall see...

I am so excited for the adventure. I feel such a positive energy from so much of the changes my family and I have been going through and I can't wait to start posting about my progress.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

My bear the crawler!

The time has come and Baylor Jane is actively crawling. It officially happend this afternoon, she made it a full distance and with ease. Walking looks pretty near (a month or so if I am gauging it right, I really thought she would skip crawling...she is far more interested in pulling up on furniture).

Heaven help us, I'm not sure we are ready for this. Yikes, I guess this is the lords way of getting me to loose the rest of the baby weight!

Ahhh, the Cycle has Been Broken

I am proud to say that Addison had kicked the habit. She is no longer a slave to the pacifier. If you have never experienced a toddler "hooked" on a pacifier I can best describe it as the kiddie equivialnt of someone hooked on crack coccaine.

I kid you not, when we first tried to break her of it a few months ago it was BAD! One REALLY bad and sleepless night and we decided to let her make her own decisons on when she was ready to give it up...I mean how often do you see a 13 year old with a pacifier, right?

Well, my precocious little one decided she was done and she has not looked back. I'm sad she is growing up and "only babies need two-twos" (our nickname for the pacifier), but it is so amazing to see her making decisions like this on her own. She is quite a little girl. She also just informed as I am typing this that "mommy...sissy is crawling! It is AMAZING!" She melts my heart.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Open Eyes

My husband and I have been going through a lot of "stuff" the last six months. I'm sick of thinking about most of it and quite honestly felt my life slipping away from me more times than I'd like to admit, but one thing I would like to say is how blessed these past hardships have made me. I feel a center of peace and hope that it will soon be alright.

The dark period is not fully over, but my eyes have been opened to life, love, friendship and faith. I have finally came back to terms with my faith (which I have been doubting and neglecting for quite some time) and I feel really good about the future. My husband actually enjoys our new church and we have been consistantly going to mass a family. It feels good. I also feel pretty good about disassociating with toxic people that return nothing in regards to support, respect and love.

I've always known that I have had people in my life that were there for show. I have lots of "material stuff" in my life that serves the same purpose. Most of these people are so concerned with how good they look and how high they can climb socially that they don't have the sort of substance and heart I look for in a faithful friend. I can't afford financially or emotionally to hang with them.

So, as I sell off and eliminate unnecissary material goods that serve no purpose to the survivial of my family I think about the people that pose as friends in my life. I also think of how sad it is to be shallow and money driven. It is a life without money that has made me see that all I need is my family and the friends that actually care. Thats all.

Perhaps the nicest hidden blessing is the alination and cutting off that some of these "friends" have done to me and my husband. I'm not fully sure all of them have done it on purpose, but I know a few have for sure (its a small town and people have a uncanny knack of talking). I'm actually relieved. Though I am slightly confused why people turn for reasons out of my control, I am relieved that I didnt have to be the person to "divorce" a "friend". Its easier to let time drive the wedge, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to cut someone out. Since it has been done to me I dont have to have the guilt and I'm not hurt at all. It is actually a rare gift.

As the new year is around the corner and I feel a heavy weight slowly lifting off of me I look forward. I look forward to building old and true relationships and I look forward to creating new ones. Most of all I look forward to staying true to my new sense of self and way of living. I feel like a slow moving version of the Phoenix. My rise from the flames is going to take awhile, but I will be reborn fully someday soon.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

A Conversation with a Two-Year Old Goes Like This...

Mommy: "Addison...do you think you could give all your two-twos' {pacifier} to Santa for Christmas?
He can give them to little babies that really need them."

Addison:  {very, very seriously} "wwweeelll..." extremely long and dramatic pause with a very deep and analytic face followed by a stroking of the chin

"I guess so"  followed by a very dramatic shrug of the shoulders


Monday, November 30, 2009

Wheew, My Sister's Keeper!

Okay, last blog of the day. I haven't posted in weeks so I had a lot to say. My Sisters Keeper...seriously broke my heart!

Crazy ending and probably not the most uplifting book for a women with two wee daughters, 2 years and 8 months, but I loved it. It was so beautiful and painful at the same time and I had a very hard time pulling myself away from my baby girls cribs after I finished reading. I just watched them sleep forever.

Great read!

Blink and You'll Miss It!

So, Addison has been two for an entire month, Baylor Jane is pulling up and looking way more interested in walking than crawling and I am feeling my life as a mother speed past me in one huge breeze. It is TOO FAST and I don't know how to slow things down.

Believe me, I work very hard to save every moment. Its the little things like Addison squealing at her new booster seat "ohh, I love it...it is so comfortable! Adorable mommy, it is simply adorable!" What two year old says that?

Probably most, but to me it seems like mine is too grown up. Baylor Jane kills me too. She is more than likely my last baby and I am not encouraging any need to grown up. She wants more solid food and keeps stealing Addison's sippy cup. Why!

My real question is "If I am having such a hard time now, what the hell will I do when Baylor Jane is a high school senior and Addison is a college freshman". Please lord grant me the strength to endure what will probably end up with a Very Brady double wedding.

I thought the midnight feedings were tough.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Photos Galore!

A wonderful friend from back in the day just took the most amazing photos of my family. I am so proud of Ry, the bird and the bear! I just love sharing these awesome shots and I HIGHLY recommed Nicole Stover Photography to all families. She was a blast and did such an outstanding job! Thanks Nicole!

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Sisters Keeper Update

This book is breaking my heart and I am now back to my rountine chest check. I go into the girls room every night and put my hand on their chests. I just feel better knowing they are breathing and they are so stinking perfect when they sleep. I am very blessed and I thank God every day for our beautiful gifts.

I am certainly getting gut checks from this novel and I keep sobbing while reading it. I hope I finish soon, I'm not sure I can handle the emotional exhaustion. I only get pockets of time at night to read and I am already worn out. My husband thinks I am crazy!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

My Sisters Keeper

I started reading My Sisters Keeper. I've wanted to read it for a very long time and I finally started it. I'm pretty sure I am my own worst enemy because I am three chapters in and I am already crying. Not so smart to read a book with a narrative p.o.v.'s that is a mother at the point in her life when she discovers her 2 year old has cancer. Downer.

I really think it is well written so far, I'm just bummed.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Getting to Know Me...

I snagged this from TurtleParade. Thought it was fun and I don't feel like grading..Enjoy.

1. Who was your first prom date? Jeff K. His mom arranged flowers so my corsage was beautiful (all full size red roses). He borrowed his brothers sports car so it would match my dress and he was super sweet. He is married and has three adorable girls. I saw them at Meijer last year and he is still such a good ole' nice guy. Great daddy too.
2. Do you still talk to your first love? Yes, he just flipped from The Office to ESPN and I yelled him to turn it back.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Screwdriver at my friend Shannons house New Years Eve 1995. Her older brothers friends told me I would lose all of my awards and I would loose my position as class president because I was drinking. I remember crying and then having to get up and go to basketball practice. TurtleParades dad was one of my coaches and he looked as pissed to be at practice on New Years day as I was.
4. What was your first job? babysitting, then The Soda Fountain
5. What was your first car? 1985 Chevey Nova...fondly refferred to by all four teen drivers in my family as the SuperNova (I also called her my little avon lady).
6. Who was the first person to text you today? No texts right now....long story but phones are shut off. Im going insane!
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? First People...my Addison and Baylor Jane.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Ms. Spittler
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Florida, I was 24. Is that lame or what?
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Shannon, not too often. Mostly on Facebook. Grew apart after high school.
11. Where was your first sleepover? I think my old and dear friend Hollies, I think.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My husband...and he is a grumpalumpagus in the mornings...geesh.
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? Hollie's
14. What was the first thing you did this morning? I ate a bowl of Cheerios
15. What was the first concert you went to? The Monkee's reunion tour. I was around 6
16. First tattoo? A strawberry on my back above my right hip. My grandpa always called me his strawberry shortcake. It was for him. I also have a Celtic trinity knot for my other grandpa. I want to get another Celtic knot on my wrist. My sisters and I have trinity knot necklaces our mom got us and my sister Amanda already has her wrist tattooed with it. AJ and I are next...
17. First piercing? ears, I was about a year...I think?
18. First foreign country you went to? Canada and that is it. I need to travel more.
19. First movie you remember seeing? The Dark Crystal
20. What state (province) did you first live in? Ohio
21. Who was your first room mate? Not counting my sister Amanda, Emily at BGSU
22. When was your first detention? I never had one, pretty lucky.
23. When was your first kiss? 7th grade, it was weird and I didn't really kiss anyone again for a few more years. I hope my girls are as prude as I was in high school and I pray that they aren't as wild as I was in college. Maybe it was all the high school suppression?
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? How to dance, I am not graceful at all and I wish I could carry myself with the strength and grace of a dancer. Plus, it just seems like a great way to stay in shape.
25. Who will be the next person to post this? Not sure, I don't really think anyone reads my blog...if anyone ever does thanks!

Saturday, September 26, 2009


when my little my brother was young he called his pacifier his "two-two". He always had one in his mouth and one in his hand, thus "two-two" was born. For some reason my parents were "two-two "pushers and Addison has been hooked since about 13 months. She is hooked something fierce and she learned to call it her two-two ( we call it dos -dos for code sometimes...it makes up feel sneaky and international)

Addison is very big for her age and looks a bit older than almost two (Halloween birthday...I don't want her to grow up!) and it really bothers me that she needs her pacifier as much as she does. She freaks for it and gets very upset when she can not have one. We really want her to quit.

Well we decided to try taking it away yesterday. UGGG, it was like a crack addict coming down cold turkey. She was up every 2 hours screaming, punching, kicking and squealing for her two-two. She was pretty cranky all day today (as were we) and we are trying it again tonight. I have a gut feeling this night will be worse, I think we might just have to give in and let her decided when she is done using a "baby" toy.

I really DO NOT like the terrible twos...I'm pretty sure I might have a mental breakdown!

Thursday, September 24, 2009


So, lost of stuff has been going down the last few months in our house and we are going through a ton of changes starting soon. When I look at where my life was 3 years ago, how simple and free, I can't believe it. I wouldn't change it for the world, but its just a much different life. I also realized that when Addison was 7 months I got pregnant with Baylor, Baylor is 7 months in three weeks...not gonna happen!

I guess when I think about the speed of life it just gets faster and faster the older you get. I hold my Baylor Jane close and I think that Addison was this size a little over a year ago (well not really this size...a smaller version). They grow so fast and I just hurt to think about blinking and missing something.That is quite possible because Addison is very ,very fast!

I'm not sure I have a point to this post, but I desperately wish I could hold on to the moments with my girls just long enough to remember them. Boo and yay life all at the same time!

Monday, September 21, 2009


We have "up on our knees" and "moving back and forth" for Baylor Jane. We also have rolling EVERYWHERE. I am fearful...this meant crawling was a couple of weeks away for Addison. I am not really sure I am ready for two mobile little ones in my house. The plus side is I may actually get rid of this stupid baby weight... or have a mental breakdown.

Addison continues to say "are you kidding me?" when we ask her to do things she is not excited to do. Almost 2 or almost 13? Seriously!

Monday, September 07, 2009


Addison 22 months, Baylor 6 months.

Addison-Time -out is working, sort of. There is a dire need to discipline her because she might break her neck. She may also be preparing for a career in the circus..."Ta da" and "look at me" come out of her mouth a bit more than I can handle.

Baylor-sits up unassisted and says da da in a very deep and raspy voice. I am afraid I may be raising Kathleen Turner or a very pretty/tiny 65 year old man. I am also very aware that she is more than certainly my last baby and these are the last days I will be cuddling a chubby little bear. I am also not sure what I will do when I have Addison running crazy and Baylor crawling. I am struggling with getting rid of the baby weight...this might be the answer. I barely sit down now...all hell is going to break loose in a few months.

I feel like I am going to wake up and I'll be watching them walk down the aisle...not ready for that at all.

That's A LOTTO Cash...

I faithfuly check PostSecret every Sunday night. I'm an addict.

This weeks posts made me think of the list R and I made a few years ago for "when" we win the lotto. Its pretty detailed.

We have it all planned out. We would not tell and play it off like we got an inheritance or won a small amount and then did a lot of good investing. Of course we would share with our families, but pretty much we wouldn't do much but pay off debt, up grade our cars take the honeymoon we never had and build a house in a neighborhood that is super nice; but not too fancy. What I find funny about all of our dreams and our little list...we really never buy tickets. We have played the lotto three times in the last three years.

It's just fun to dream I guess.

I just wonder, what would you do with the money if you won the Mega Millions?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

18 or 8?

An 18 year old boy in my 3rd block stood up today in the middle of a power point, took off his shirt, danced a bit, twirled his shirt in the air and then quietly sat back down and put his shirt on. Two things happened:

1. he simply smiled and said he never turns down a dare
2. I wasn't mad or shocked...that is the 2nd time a student has done that in my class.

I'm a little concerned about the second one.

My Brother Cracks Me Up!

My brother has a job in advertising/media design where he works crazy long hours sometimes and apparently has a bit of down time too. He creates hilarious profile pictures for Facebook and has become a photoshop jedi knight. Often they are of my daughters, but this is probably my favorite.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Seriously, Senior boys?

First day of school, this semester I'm teaching Honors English 11 and Composition and Literature of Sports; both upper level courses. I like my students so far and I have a lot of my old students. One "fantastic" student in particular, Cory, amuses me daily. Today he did not let me down.

I was finishing an apple after lunch and as Cory walked into the room I threw my apple core into the garbage. Cory ran across the room, screamed "No!...why would you throw that away!" He then pulled the core out, ate it all and then smiled with pride.

Apparently the weirdo loves to eat apple cores.

I'm not sure which disturbed me more:
1. He ate an apple core
2. He ate an apple core pulled from the garbage
3. He ate and apple cores pulled from the garbage after it had been eaten by me.
4. I laughed and I wasn't really shocked.

Banal was one of our vocab words this week...that got giggles every block too. God, I love high school!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Why Blog...

After posting my blog URL as my Facebook status my little brother politely replied with "tell you what. Ill read your blogs if I can send you zip locked bags of my farts in the mail and you open then up and inhale. Deal?". My brother is pretty funny and likes to mess with me, yet it sort of bothered me.

He's a turd.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

So Simple, So Sweet

I wish I could still get this excited about things. Addison is watching the giraffe walk across the park at the zoo, simply walking. She equally enjoys the hippo when it poops. She mentions it often at home.

The sounds she makes and her giggle make it even better. These two little girls are what make me get out of bed in the morning, I'm pretty sure they are what make me feel like I'm taking crazy pills too:)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"The Road" Less Traveled

So, school starts in a few days and I have to hustle and catch up on my summer reading. I desperately need to re-read a few things for my honors kids summer reading. I am re-reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road...it definitely changes when you re-read it. I think I like it even more the 2nd time around. It's a great one and the film version looks pretty promising.

I also needed to skim through Jeanette Walls The Glass Castle...that turned into a full re-read too. It has to be one of my favorite books. I don't usually have enough time to read for school and pleasure and it is pretty nice when my reading load becomes a "kill two birds" situation.

Worlds Strongest Baby

My crafty brother snuck a few pictures of Baylor Jane in her diaper; with a little free time the funniest picture was created. Too cute.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

My "Little" Girl?

Baylor Jane is 20 lbs and five months this week! I love fat babies and my two daughters did not let me down. She is so fun to cuddle and kiss and I just want to eat up her cheeks.

This is my favorite picture of the week (2nd baby and I still take them like crazy...I've heard you take less of the 2nd child than the first born, not buying it)
God I Love The Bear.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

5 Random Things...

I'm a copycat for sure, but this just seemed too fun.

1. When I was nine my dad won a contest on the radio that allowed me to be a clown in the Ringling Brothers Circus at the Toledo Sports Arena. It was petrifying. I was a "Mexican Clown" in a horribly racist sombrero and maracas and we were supposed to run around shoot guns in the air. Horrible.

2. My husband and I watched 2 seasons of 24 in 2 days. It was over Christmas break and we kept trying to stop, but we were so hooked.

3. My junior year of college I went on a blind date with a guy from NYC who bragged that he once went on a date with Natalie Portman. He told me the details about his entire date, it had not gone as well as he had planned. He also happened to be easily 6 inches shorter than me. At the end of the date he tried to kiss me and insisted that he could be Tom Cruise and I would be his Nicole Kidman. Never the less, I did not answer his call for a second date.

4. I absolutely LOVE the grilled cheese sandwiches at Toledo Hospital. I ate at least one a day each time I had a baby. My husband had to go to the hospital with chest pains and while we waited hours for his test results I ran over to the cafeteria. (He was fine, I'm not a horrible wife) They are just so good.

5. I am beginning to like the Disney Channel more than any other channel. I find myself watching it when there are no children in sight. Its pathetic I know, but it grows on you. I never dreamed I would laugh at Hanna Montana...pathetic.

Finally Summer

I am loving the weather we've been having. I've been in the pool more in the last week than the entire summer, the girls are loving all of the walks we've been taking and I actually have color. I no longer have legs that look like uncooked chicken. Still pale, but at least I'm darker than my baby now.

On the craptastic side of things, with this hot weather comes our AC going out. I'm certainly not loving how hot our little house is and I think that may be why we are always outside. The worst part is that maternity leave has left us broke and nothing left in the budget to fix it, until September! Why would we need it then? I should put a change cup out in front of my house because the rest of the week is calling for the mid-90's. Pool side is calling!

Monday, August 10, 2009


Somehow Addison learned who Robert Pattinson is and every time she sees a picture of him she shouts with glee "Robert?!!". She then precedes to chant over and over again..."where's Bella?...Bella mama, Bella? Makes me giggle, annoys my husband.

I do find it odd that she refers to him as Robert not "Edward" but she calls Kristen Stewart "Bella". Hmmmm...

P.S. she just kissed the computer screen and said "I love Robert...he cute!"

Damn It...

Well, if my toddler is going to experiment with repeating mommy's swear words at least she is doing it correctly?

I had to hold back a giggle at the sound of my 21 month old mumbling "damn it" like a grouchy old man when she dropped her sippy cup last week. I read that I should ignore it and she won't keep using a swear word if I don't freak out about it, but the thing is she used it with a real function. She was so clear in her expression of a specific emotion, clearly that would have been my regular reaction too or else she wouldn't have learned it.

Today she shut her door on her foot and she shouted "damn it mommy...that hurt!"

I am more aware than ever how much of a little sponge she is and I am really going to have to work on what I say in front of her. I can expect to have lots of embarrassing moments in the future, I am sure of this.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Twenty One Months Later...

I am a little shocked that my last post was over 21 months ago and the topic was the gender of my first baby...its a girl by the way! Oh, and I had another girl along the way....two girls under two and I love it. That probably has a lot to do with taking so long to post.

I have a blog for my English students to keep up and I just figure it is time to start blogging again. I want to document as much of my girls childhood as I can, it is flying by way to fast for me to even breathe. Addison is quite a little lady and Baylor is growing at crazy speeds and is such a little charmer.

Heres to hoping it doesn't take me another 21 months for my next post.