Quote of the Moment

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson



Thursday, November 30, 2006

Unnyfay Hitsay! The Comedy Block Delivered!




I was looking forward to tonight's trio of hilarity all day long and I think I may have peed my pants a bit with anticipation. Milk did not come out my nose, but I think I pulled a stomach muscle from laughing so hard. What I am trying to explain is my excitement for My Name is Earl, The Office and Scrubs!

From 8pm-9:30 I never stopped laughing. Earl produced a gambling addiction driven around rooster poop and African election results, I had to close my eyes while watching The Office because I get so embarrassed for Michael and JD did not let me down on Scrubs. Now I am going to crawl into bed and drift to sleep with a much needed smile.

I think that Thursday nights will now officially be the late week energy booster I have been searching for. I'm sad about missing Grey's, but I'll just check Mrs. Turtle for the update and I will be a very happy lady! Am I the only one that finds goofy guys like Jim from The Office and Zach Braff from Scrubs very, very attractive? I am pretty sure the most attractive quality in a man is a sense of humor, of course I tell my husband it is his rock hard abs:)

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Why Do I get the Feeling Idiots are Running This Country?


I was just checking the news and I came across this iddy bit of information: U.S. Aims to Ban iPod Sales to North Korea (read more here). Apparently Kim Jong Il digs techy stuff like iPods, scooters and other Sharper Image type gift items. To show how big and cool America really is... behold trade sanctions on his "Favorite Things".

Is it me or does this sound like a reverse Oprah episode (Oprahs Favs). I guess this sort of non-violent protest is thoughtful, I am just not convinced it is a good thought. Ghandi would be proud?

Just think, if Oprah ever pissed off the security of this country we can all kiss cashmere sweaters, giant gourmet cookies and Alice Walker novels good bye.

Perhaps if we sanctioned trade regulations of the importation of whatever the hell Jong Il uses to poof his hair with, Dr. Evil polyester suits, or platform shoes then he might start communicating at a productive level. But what do I know?

Kim Jong Il's Favorite Things

iPod's
Segway Scooters
Plasma TV's
Harley Davidson's
Cognac
Rolex

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Gwen is Gold Again



I am a long time fan of No Doubt and I think Gwen Stefani is so cute and quirky. I just finished listening to her new CD "The Sweet Escape" and I am pretty pleased. Her last independent album was a little too "Harajuku" for my taste, but this new one is a bit more enjoyable. Either way she is creative and I enjoy her lyrics (I still can't figure out what the hell Holla Back was really about but my buddy T sure loves it!).

I give a big thumbs up for Gwen. Check it out here before buying it

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Best Post Secret in Months!

My favorite secrets are the funny ones and this one cracked me up! Check out this weeks posts.

40 Things That Only Happen in the Movies.


I am that woman. Yes, I am the one that watches a movie and bursts everyone's bubble by whispering (usually to myself, but someone ALWAYS hears me) "Yeah, like that could ever happen". It turns out that my dream crushing observances have actually been compiled to a list of 40. Check it out. I have listed for enjoyment my favorite five.

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

3. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

4. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

5. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Sarah Got Me...Three Things Meme

Mrs. Turtle got me, here I go...

Three things that scare me: The Government, Alzheimers, Me
Three people who make me laugh: My husband, My brother, Nick Swardson
Three things I love: Sleep, Fresh cut delphinium, A good book
Three things I hate: Ignorance, Sometimes my hometown, People who refuse to see life beyond there front door.
Three things I don't understand: Social class (why do have so much REALLY poor and REALLY rich?), Cheerleaders (do the teams really play better with them there?), hate
Three things on my desk: A picture of my husband, My printer, A pile of paid bills waiting to be filed.
Three things I'm doing right now: Watching football (Go Irish!), Procrastinating, Drinking water
Three things I want to do before I die: Raise well- rounded children, Run a marathon, Write a book
Three things I can do: Love, Paint, Talk
Three things I can't do: Stop talking, (at the moment) Have Children, Play Sing
Three things you should listen to:My mom, My gut, My heart
Three things you should never listen to: My sister-in-law, Negative co-workers, Pat O'Brien
Three things I'd like to learn: How to flip houses, How to say no, How to relax
Three favorite foods: Pierogi, Chicken and cheese stuffed breadsticks from Pollyeyes, A nice turkey sandwich with lots of pickles and mustard
Three beverages I drink regularly: Water, Skim milk, Water
Three TV shows I watched as a kid: The Monkees (reruns on Nick at Night), Quantum Leap, Full House


I now officially tag...
Roonie: I know you will have fabulous answers
Two Pretzels: I love your stories
Malissa: You always have something interesting to say

Friday, November 24, 2006

ZZZZzzzzz!


I am quite pleased that I did not gorge myself on holiday deliciousness this year. My grandma did bring over an outstanding strawberry pie, but other than that I ate in moderation. What I did not do in moderation is sleep...and I blame you Mr. Turkey for this!

Turkey is yummy, but the tricky son of a bitch gets me every year. I eat a comfortable amount of this intoxicating poultry and then ssssnnnnoooorrrrr. I am out on the couch like an old man(pants ALWAYS reminded zipped!). The worst part is that the next day I am eating leftovers and passing out all over again-I would burn my hand repeatedly on a hot pan if that hot pan tasted as good as my dad's homemade turkey and dumpling soup.

As a fairly educated woman I am quite aware of the cursed tryptophan, yet I could eat healthy portions of turkey based meals everyday. To add insult to injury the amount of movies running during Thanksgiving weekend is enough to sideline me to the couch all on their own. If I watch ELF or Austen Powers one more time I may be considered an expert on the films.

While I am proud of my self control this year with my eating this Thanksgiving I am sadly let down at my ability to not be a lazy slug. I am pretty sure that I am now going to take a nap.

It is All Over...


I really enjoyed House of Carter's on E!. Since I have come out of the closet as a reality TV fan I have really embraced this series. I was very uncomfortable when Mr. Carter came to visit and BJ's drinking is pretty obnoxious, but I think the near car wrecks avoided each episode make for great TV.

In the end I believe I finally saw the most "real" celebrities on TV. Nick Carter, who I always assumed was a total tool, has a HUGE heart and trys to be good despite the demons of his past. I am going to miss this show. I won't miss the squeaky pseudo ghetto Aaron, but I will miss the show.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I Would be a Smart Ass Celebrity


I have decided that if for some reason I was to become famous I would always use sarcasm as a tool against the paparazzi. This article on TMZ made me laugh and I figure, what else do you say when people ask you the same irrelevant questions over and over again? I would probably start speaking in Pig Latin or start quoting Shakespeare. This is how Hotty Timberlake deals...


Britney Justin Time?
Posted Nov 13th 2006 11:41AM by TMZ Staff

Now that Britney Spears has lost some unwanted weight (both literally and figuratively), fans are beginning to wonder whether it's time for Britney and Justin 2.0.

Justin Timberlake was spotted over the weekend at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood. While picking up his black BMW from the valet, a photog asked the pop star, "Do you have anything to say about the recent divorce of Britney and Kevin?"

JT shot back, "Yeah, there's a war going on in Iraq."

Thank you, Captain Obvious.




*I personally found the little jab at Kevin Federline as figurative weight witty and original (Once again, if you don't get sarcasm go here)

Bush-tacular!



This IS by far the funniest picture of George Bush I have seen in a long time. I give a big old thumbs up to the Photo Shop freaks that keep wooing me with their talent. Bravo!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Ode to Turkey!



This is for my Thanksgiving lovin' friend Sarah. She makes the valid argument that we must cherish the Thanksgiving before we move on to the Christmas-Amen sister. Heres to all that is turkey!

Turkey Call (my buddies Hoops and YoYo)
Dress the Turkey
Mr. Bean Turkey
Friends (Thanksgiving flashbacks)

Friday, November 17, 2006

Lazy Scranton

I still can't believe how funny this show is. If you have no idea what The Office is referencing, check out Lazy Sunday from SNL.

I'm soooo Over It.

TomKat= puke in my mouth. Let's find some real news and live our own lives.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

November 14, 1984


Ahhh, the official release date of Like a Virgin. Is it crazy that I was barely four when this album came out, yet I remember wanting to listen to it? Of course my mom said no, I was stuck with The Muppets for a few more years.

Crazy Cute...


My dad sent me this link and it made me smile www.hoopsandyoyo.com. Explore the site, Hoops and Yoyo are pretty funny.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Share Your Best "That Guy" Photo

What is a "That Guy" photo you say? It is that accidental (or often intentional) person that slips their way into a perfectly good posed photo. Some are creepy and some are hilarious.

Just for fun it would be great to see what everyone can come up with. I have a gem from a family vacation that I will post later this week. Just post a link to your blog or to another site as a comment. Try College Humor if you need more of a reference source.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sports Journalism is no longer journalism until they get the ego-inflated unskilled former athletes off the air

Yeah, I said it. I am sick of former athletes dominating professional sports journalism and not doing their job. A REAL journalist does not reveal their personal favorites, the do not act as PR reps for their former or favorite teams-unprofessional! They report the facts and use logic and stats to create entertaining and informative segments. So called "sports journalists" need to get out of the studio and allow the average Joes that have spent years studying sports and the craft of journalism have jobs. Certainly former college and professional athletes are not hard up for cash.


*This is by no means a OSU v. Michigan rivalry rant. It is an honest opinion that I actually felt inspired to write about after watching an NFL highlight segment on ESPN followed by side bar piece in Sports Illustrated*

Friday, November 10, 2006

WOW!

The humor never stops! I can't wait until the new episodes start.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Like, Totally a Shocker Y'all!

So sad, so tragic. What will the world do now?
I only hope and pray that this tragic failure of a picture perfect marriage does not hinder K-Fed from his booming Rap career.

This major epoch totally proves that it really is money that ensures class and dignity and people like Brit and K-Fed are what make this world a truly beautiful place.

If you are unable to detect sarcasm please click here.


Monday, November 06, 2006

My Favorite Scrubs Clip... I am Not Really Sure Why

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Funny Ha Ha's

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
– Indubitably
– Innovative
– Preliminary
– Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
– Specificity
– British
– Constitution
– Passive-aggressive disorder
– Loquacious
– Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK:
– Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex
– Nope, no more booze for me
– Sorry, but you’re not really my type
– Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight
– Oh, I just couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing



Sunday, November 05, 2006

Pour Me Another...


I love red wine, particularly a nice cabernet sauvignon. I don't know when I graduated from the college alcohol pallet consisting of Natural Light and Jager Bombs (I do still love a tall cold beer), but I just have had this thing for red wine in the last year.

Anyhow, YIPEEEEE! My beloved red wine might help my fat ass lose weight. Check out this article on AOL and see for yourself. Paired with exercise of course:)

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Have No Fear, My Friends in Kids Costumes are Here!


This is why I love Halloween, dressing up is so much fun no matter what your age!

While passing out candy last night to what felt like the brattiest and most unoriginal costumed Jr. High kids, I was visited by three super brothers all hailing from the booming metropolis of Rossford, Ohio. These special heros patrolled the streets protecting the youth of my town from "hooligans" and "good for nothings". Squeezed into children's sized disguise they proved that safety comes first and superhuman powers deserve Snickers.

Their diligence to capturing bag snatchers is respected and appreciated and I will certainly fire up the bat signal anytime I am in a pinch.

You are all knights among men !