Birthday for My Bear?

Baylor is one March 24Th and I can't believe I am planning my second 1st birthday party. Addison is our little Tinker Belle so we went all fairy for her. I work hard to keep a balance for Baylor on photos and attention on milestones...you sort of loose the gusto on the 2nd, but I try.

Anyhow, I'm thinking Care Bears. Her nickname is "the bear", I thought it would be cute. We shall see.

Sista's

I am publicly documenting these instances of cuteness and civility because my spidey- senses tell me that these moments will become few and far between the closer we get to the teen years.

Dave Ramsey: You Sweet, Sweet Man

My husband and I first were introduced to Dave Ramsey close to 3 months ago and he has already changed our lives in more ways than financially. A non-attender and in serious doubt, I hadn't been to church in a LONG time. My mom knew how tough things have been financially and suggested we attend a three week series at her church with Dave Ramsey. Drawn in my Ramsey and hooked by the rest of the church, we were hooked and haven't missed a day since. We started his Total Money Makeover and we are now in his 13 week Financial Peace University class. It is unreal. Could a financial "guru" actually set off a series of events that have lead to so much peace and clarity? Crazy.

Tonight we had our 2nd FPU class and I just feel so good about our future. We are slowly waking up from a nightmare that has lasted nearly 6 months, but we are slowly rising from the ashes. I feel excellent about the positive changes happening in our lives and I am very blessed for the transformations we (yes we, Ryan has grown even more than me and I am so proud) have been experiencing.

Taking stock of my life the last few months, opening my eyes to toxic people and just finally breathing in the blessed and beautiful things in my life has allowed me to better heal from the pain.

I look forward to the next 11 weeks of class and the next 60 years of my life...it feels good to say these things out loud and if feels amazing to go through a full day with out sobbing fearing yet another bottom falling out.

I would love to shake Mr. Ramsey's hand, send a gracious thank you to my husband, family and real friends and just smile at God.

Through the Ears of a Child...

After long periods of painful and constant ear infections I am now the proud mother of two babies under three with tubes. Baylor Jane just got hers and Addison has reached the one year mark.

Second tube operation in one year got me thinking, what is it like to have your ears so full of fluid and so tender and irritated from infection and then magically they are clear? I have witnessed changes with both girls almost overnight from their surgeries and I just wonder how trippy it is for them.

It is hard to imagine what it is like to be so small and learning so much about life and human function (speech, balance/walking, pain) with such a disadvantage and then the disadvantage disappear.

Either way, I am very grateful that both my girls are doing great and we are so very blessed. Baylor is taking steps and her language skills have stepped it up tremendously in a little under a week. Crazy.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Boo Hoo Me.

I am sort of deflated by lack of readership and support. I am thinking of just quiting my blog.

I started this experience as a way to journal my thoughts on life and reflect on my days in a life that I am still very amazed to be living. I just think I would be better suited putting my thoughts down in a traditional journal.

It is far more painful than I ever realized to keep a blog up that no one reads. I guess I didn't intend to have that matter to me as much as it does, but it does:( the worst is reading other blogs and most get an average of 4-7 comments. I'm not trying to whine (which I am) but I just don't like feeling icky about it.

Anyhow, I figure if someone comments in the next week I'll stay on. If not, I'm sticking to pen and paper. No sense wasting cyberspace trying to be part of the "cool crowd". We shall see.

Baylor Girl is on the Go and Addy Bird is Capitalzing Off of the Chaos.

This two kids mobile thing is for the birds. New Years Eve was exhausting because we are not use to two moving rapidly. Baylor usually sits gleefully with toys and just chills. This allows a double team effort on Addison. Not anymore!

Baylor is getting quicker and quicker each day and I am thinking that walking is going to be the death of me.

The cutest part of her new skills is the morning greet. Most mornings Baylor is laying in bed, sometimes sitting, with a smile. Now, we are greeted by a two tooth stand up salute. She has been standing along her crib rail with a big cheesy grin with such pride. She really does love standing.

sigh.

Holy Crap....

Baylor just stood on her own. Second kid, still shocks me. I'm not ready for how well she is crawling and cruising this week and I am DEFINITELY not ready for walking. Crap!

Ohh, that Tebow...He's Such a Nice Kid

My husband has been a Florida Gators fan since childhood. He visited his grandparents every summer in Florida and just likes to follow the team. I am also a fan of Urban Mayer since he graced BGSU during my undergrad days.

Anyhow, I was watching the Sugarbowl and I thought I would look up EPH 2:8-10 since Tim Tebow wrote it on his eye paint. It moved me that a kid (and he is a kid) that has so much talent and accomplished so much at such a young age credits his gifts as the work of God and openly thanks his relationship with God for his life. It was just nice.

So, here is the actual bible versus Tebow was highlighting during tonight's game:

Ephesians 2:8-10 (New International Version)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I'm Gonna Do It...I'm Running in a Marathon!

Yup, since I was about 14 I've wanted to run a marathon. I promised myself when I got pregnant with Addison that I would run one. Then I got pregnant with Baylor. Then I stayed busy and "lumpy". Now, I'm going to do it!

I've had a lot of focus lately and when the Lord wants things to fall into place they do quite nicely. I work in a amazing school district ran by man and I call quite a few truly remarkable human beings my colleagues. Together we are all working on training for the Chicago Marathon in October. This is the support I really need to reach my goal.

I really need to ease myself back into running and shed quite a few pounds to take the pressure off of my joints, I will certainly be writing about my journey. Basketball season ends Feb. 11 and I am very excited for this new adventure. Heavy training starts around June, but I want to run in a 5K on Valentines day and quite a few 5Ks in prior to the summer.

Most of all I think it will be really nice to have something that is just for me. Being a mom has really taken an element of "individual attention" away from myself and I think getting back to "me" in a healthy way will help my focus and regain my long gone body confidence.

I keep telling myself that "you gave birth to two very large babies with out an epidural, a marathon is nothing". I kind of joke about it, but I did prepare for labor with hypno-birthing and lots of breathing/focus techniques. We shall see...

I am so excited for the adventure. I feel such a positive energy from so much of the changes my family and I have been going through and I can't wait to start posting about my progress.

My bear the crawler!

The time has come and Baylor Jane is actively crawling. It officially happend this afternoon, she made it a full distance and with ease. Walking looks pretty near (a month or so if I am gauging it right, I really thought she would skip crawling...she is far more interested in pulling up on furniture).

Heaven help us, I'm not sure we are ready for this. Yikes, I guess this is the lords way of getting me to loose the rest of the baby weight!

Ahhh, the Cycle has Been Broken

I am proud to say that Addison had kicked the habit. She is no longer a slave to the pacifier. If you have never experienced a toddler "hooked" on a pacifier I can best describe it as the kiddie equivialnt of someone hooked on crack coccaine.

I kid you not, when we first tried to break her of it a few months ago it was BAD! One REALLY bad and sleepless night and we decided to let her make her own decisons on when she was ready to give it up...I mean how often do you see a 13 year old with a pacifier, right?

Well, my precocious little one decided she was done and she has not looked back. I'm sad she is growing up and "only babies need two-twos" (our nickname for the pacifier), but it is so amazing to see her making decisions like this on her own. She is quite a little girl. She also just informed as I am typing this that "mommy...sissy is crawling! It is AMAZING!" She melts my heart.

Open Eyes

My husband and I have been going through a lot of "stuff" the last six months. I'm sick of thinking about most of it and quite honestly felt my life slipping away from me more times than I'd like to admit, but one thing I would like to say is how blessed these past hardships have made me. I feel a center of peace and hope that it will soon be alright.

The dark period is not fully over, but my eyes have been opened to life, love, friendship and faith. I have finally came back to terms with my faith (which I have been doubting and neglecting for quite some time) and I feel really good about the future. My husband actually enjoys our new church and we have been consistantly going to mass a family. It feels good. I also feel pretty good about disassociating with toxic people that return nothing in regards to support, respect and love.

I've always known that I have had people in my life that were there for show. I have lots of "material stuff" in my life that serves the same purpose. Most of these people are so concerned with how good they look and how high they can climb socially that they don't have the sort of substance and heart I look for in a faithful friend. I can't afford financially or emotionally to hang with them.

So, as I sell off and eliminate unnecissary material goods that serve no purpose to the survivial of my family I think about the people that pose as friends in my life. I also think of how sad it is to be shallow and money driven. It is a life without money that has made me see that all I need is my family and the friends that actually care. Thats all.

Perhaps the nicest hidden blessing is the alination and cutting off that some of these "friends" have done to me and my husband. I'm not fully sure all of them have done it on purpose, but I know a few have for sure (its a small town and people have a uncanny knack of talking). I'm actually relieved. Though I am slightly confused why people turn for reasons out of my control, I am relieved that I didnt have to be the person to "divorce" a "friend". Its easier to let time drive the wedge, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to cut someone out. Since it has been done to me I dont have to have the guilt and I'm not hurt at all. It is actually a rare gift.

As the new year is around the corner and I feel a heavy weight slowly lifting off of me I look forward. I look forward to building old and true relationships and I look forward to creating new ones. Most of all I look forward to staying true to my new sense of self and way of living. I feel like a slow moving version of the Phoenix. My rise from the flames is going to take awhile, but I will be reborn fully someday soon.

A Conversation with a Two-Year Old Goes Like This...

Mommy: "Addison...do you think you could give all your two-twos' {pacifier} to Santa for Christmas?
He can give them to little babies that really need them."

Addison:  {very, very seriously} "wwweeelll..." extremely long and dramatic pause with a very deep and analytic face followed by a stroking of the chin

"I guess so"  followed by a very dramatic shrug of the shoulders

Hilarious!

Wheew, My Sister's Keeper!

Okay, last blog of the day. I haven't posted in weeks so I had a lot to say. My Sisters Keeper...seriously broke my heart!

Crazy ending and probably not the most uplifting book for a women with two wee daughters, 2 years and 8 months, but I loved it. It was so beautiful and painful at the same time and I had a very hard time pulling myself away from my baby girls cribs after I finished reading. I just watched them sleep forever.

Great read!

Blink and You'll Miss It!

So, Addison has been two for an entire month, Baylor Jane is pulling up and looking way more interested in walking than crawling and I am feeling my life as a mother speed past me in one huge breeze. It is TOO FAST and I don't know how to slow things down.

Believe me, I work very hard to save every moment. Its the little things like Addison squealing at her new booster seat "ohh, I love it...it is so comfortable! Adorable mommy, it is simply adorable!" What two year old says that?

Probably most, but to me it seems like mine is too grown up. Baylor Jane kills me too. She is more than likely my last baby and I am not encouraging any need to grown up. She wants more solid food and keeps stealing Addison's sippy cup. Why!

My real question is "If I am having such a hard time now, what the hell will I do when Baylor Jane is a high school senior and Addison is a college freshman". Please lord grant me the strength to endure what will probably end up with a Very Brady double wedding.

I thought the midnight feedings were tough.

Photos Galore!

A wonderful friend from back in the day just took the most amazing photos of my family. I am so proud of Ry, the bird and the bear! I just love sharing these awesome shots and I HIGHLY recommed Nicole Stover Photography to all families. She was a blast and did such an outstanding job! Thanks Nicole!

My Sisters Keeper Update

This book is breaking my heart and I am now back to my rountine chest check. I go into the girls room every night and put my hand on their chests. I just feel better knowing they are breathing and they are so stinking perfect when they sleep. I am very blessed and I thank God every day for our beautiful gifts.

I am certainly getting gut checks from this novel and I keep sobbing while reading it. I hope I finish soon, I'm not sure I can handle the emotional exhaustion. I only get pockets of time at night to read and I am already worn out. My husband thinks I am crazy!

My Sisters Keeper

I started reading My Sisters Keeper. I've wanted to read it for a very long time and I finally started it. I'm pretty sure I am my own worst enemy because I am three chapters in and I am already crying. Not so smart to read a book with a narrative p.o.v.'s that is a mother at the point in her life when she discovers her 2 year old has cancer. Downer.

I really think it is well written so far, I'm just bummed.

Getting to Know Me...

I snagged this from TurtleParade. Thought it was fun and I don't feel like grading..Enjoy.

1. Who was your first prom date? Jeff K. His mom arranged flowers so my corsage was beautiful (all full size red roses). He borrowed his brothers sports car so it would match my dress and he was super sweet. He is married and has three adorable girls. I saw them at Meijer last year and he is still such a good ole' nice guy. Great daddy too.
2. Do you still talk to your first love? Yes, he just flipped from The Office to ESPN and I yelled him to turn it back.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink? Screwdriver at my friend Shannons house New Years Eve 1995. Her older brothers friends told me I would lose all of my awards and I would loose my position as class president because I was drinking. I remember crying and then having to get up and go to basketball practice. TurtleParades dad was one of my coaches and he looked as pissed to be at practice on New Years day as I was.
4. What was your first job? babysitting, then The Soda Fountain
5. What was your first car? 1985 Chevey Nova...fondly refferred to by all four teen drivers in my family as the SuperNova (I also called her my little avon lady).
6. Who was the first person to text you today? No texts right now....long story but phones are shut off. Im going insane!
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning? First People...my Addison and Baylor Jane.
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Ms. Spittler
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane? Florida, I was 24. Is that lame or what?
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk? Shannon, not too often. Mostly on Facebook. Grew apart after high school.
11. Where was your first sleepover? I think my old and dear friend Hollies, I think.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today? My husband...and he is a grumpalumpagus in the mornings...geesh.
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time? Hollie's
14. What was the first thing you did this morning? I ate a bowl of Cheerios
15. What was the first concert you went to? The Monkee's reunion tour. I was around 6
16. First tattoo? A strawberry on my back above my right hip. My grandpa always called me his strawberry shortcake. It was for him. I also have a Celtic trinity knot for my other grandpa. I want to get another Celtic knot on my wrist. My sisters and I have trinity knot necklaces our mom got us and my sister Amanda already has her wrist tattooed with it. AJ and I are next...
17. First piercing? ears, I was about a year...I think?
18. First foreign country you went to? Canada and that is it. I need to travel more.
19. First movie you remember seeing? The Dark Crystal
20. What state (province) did you first live in? Ohio
21. Who was your first room mate? Not counting my sister Amanda, Emily at BGSU
22. When was your first detention? I never had one, pretty lucky.
23. When was your first kiss? 7th grade, it was weird and I didn't really kiss anyone again for a few more years. I hope my girls are as prude as I was in high school and I pray that they aren't as wild as I was in college. Maybe it was all the high school suppression?
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance? How to dance, I am not graceful at all and I wish I could carry myself with the strength and grace of a dancer. Plus, it just seems like a great way to stay in shape.
25. Who will be the next person to post this? Not sure, I don't really think anyone reads my blog...if anyone ever does thanks!

two-two

when my little my brother was young he called his pacifier his "two-two". He always had one in his mouth and one in his hand, thus "two-two" was born. For some reason my parents were "two-two "pushers and Addison has been hooked since about 13 months. She is hooked something fierce and she learned to call it her two-two ( we call it dos -dos for code sometimes...it makes up feel sneaky and international)

Addison is very big for her age and looks a bit older than almost two (Halloween birthday...I don't want her to grow up!) and it really bothers me that she needs her pacifier as much as she does. She freaks for it and gets very upset when she can not have one. We really want her to quit.

Well we decided to try taking it away yesterday. UGGG, it was like a crack addict coming down cold turkey. She was up every 2 hours screaming, punching, kicking and squealing for her two-two. She was pretty cranky all day today (as were we) and we are trying it again tonight. I have a gut feeling this night will be worse, I think we might just have to give in and let her decided when she is done using a "baby" toy.

I really DO NOT like the terrible twos...I'm pretty sure I might have a mental breakdown!