Blurg...non-sensical grumble of the day.

I don't like feeling insecure. I don't like feeling judged. I am very aware I am not perfect and I am at a constant battle in my own head on how to better and fix the things that I am sure bother other people. I am the most vulnerable as a mother so please don't kick me when I am down, I only try to be the world to the little girls that are the world to me and I have never once pretended that I was perfect at it. In fact I only wish my wins or failures could help others.

I don't like when people don't like me (I don't lose sleep over it, but it is just a sucky feeling) and I really don't like that the few places I should feel free to be open I can not. We are all imperfect, I don't need others to remind me of my own. I can do that quite well on my own-thank you.

I sort of feel better. I almost don't care anymore, almost.

Random useless movie quotes

They make me giggle. I like the movie, I like the quotes. It is far more interesting to mock the apocolypese (Shaun of the Dead is another fav) ...and you are welcome.

Little Rock: [playing Monopoly] Oh, free parking!
Wichita: Which, coincidentally, is the best thing about Zombieland.
Wichita: No... the best thing about Z-land, no Facebook status updates. You know, "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday." Who cares?
Tallahassee: The best thing is no more flushing. Epic.



Columbus: Are you one of those guys who has to constantly 'one-up' everyone else? Tallahassee: Hell, no! I knew a guy once who was a lot worse at that than me.

Random Movie Review

Just watched finally watched this. I am so behind on my list of movies to see and I have been dying to see this since last year.

Hilarious! I heart Woody Harrelson and he did not let me down. I especially appreciate the outstanding use of Bill Murry and all things Ghostbuster related.

Overall, I might just buy this.

teamwork

I am sitting here taking a break from laundry listening to my two mischievous little ones over the baby monitor. I desperately need them to take a nap today, they know this...it is not going as well as most days.

They share a room and we have "successfully" gotten them to take naps and go to bed together. Honestly, not a single problem; until today.

Today, they have decided to change the rules. As the baby monitor gives me a peek into what these little monkeys are doing instead of napping like angels, I am not sure I enjoy what I am hearing.

Teamwork.

From the day we brought Baylor home there has been growing evidence that these two are joining their powers for evil, but today I think they have fully realized that working together will surely give mommy a mental breakdown.

Sample conversation from 2 minutes ago: "Baylor...start yelling. Mommy wants us to sleep, I don't want to sleep. She'll get you, I will run".

Really? Did I just hear that? Baylor responded by laughing and then she started to yell "momma, momma". When I didn't go up to their room Addison said "ah, man...shes not coming. what will we do. JUMP!" They are currently jumping on their beds...I am so annoyed I might just go up there, but I am pretty sure I don't want to be outsmarted by an almost 3 year old and a 1 year old.

Everyone wants their kids to be brilliant and I happen to believe that every single child has a special gift that they are outstanding at. I used to think that Addison was gifted with communication/compassion and that Baylor was our mechanical/spacial little one...I now beg to differ. They are both evil geniuses that are plotting to take over the world.

I just heard Baylor giggle manically and I think Addison just mumbled something about uranium 235 and world domination. Visions of Pinky and the Brain are flashing through my head.

"Tanks"

Baylor is stepping up her vocabulary (a slow start thanks to chatty big sister Addison never giving her a need) and has added about 10 words in the last two weeks. She is now saying "tanks". I love that sweet little voice, it is so nice to get a thanks from a baby. It melts my heart.

Also, I would like to proudly say she has added "Baylor Bear" to her repertoire. Sounds more like Bay Brrr, but she is pretty proud and cute when she says it.

My favorite of the week is "I". We're working with Addison on using the alphabet and word recognition, this has led to Baylor being obsessed with the letter "I". All letters are "I" and she giggles each time. Yesterday she walked around the house with the letter c/cat card and just screamed "I" (then meowed...equally funny). You just have to hear her say it, she is a quirky and independent minded little one for sure.

The Three Amigos

I have never been really shy about going in public alone with the girls and they are a challange to balance since they both walk ( run and explore the heck out of EVERYTHING is more adequate), but I have been logical and cautious as to where one person can take two little persons with lots of energy and immagination. The majority of the time I have my co-pilot Ryan and we have such a system it is sort of impressive. I didn't realize how good it was until he wasnt around and I was standing around waiting and confused for someone to hand me the backpack or put on the girls shoes. Auto pilot is creepy.

With Ry's new job I now am the lone ranger from the hours of 2:30pm-sometimes 3:30am. I am pretty surprised that I have embraced this head on and I think it is really working for the girls too. We have adventured to more grocery stores, public pools, theaters, libraries and resturants than we have since Baylor has been born. I am still a little shaky on the "run" factor...Immagination Station was definetly only possible because my good friends shared the load and I mainly just worry about stranger danger.

I am not saying I am a fan of a zone defense, I much prefer man-to-man in coaching and in parenting, but I think it is actually causing the girls to behave better, rely on each other and grow trust.

My sweet little Addison is now very good at getting into the car, buckling her steat belt and then doing it all in reverse when we arrive. I am more than melecholy that she gets out on her own and shuts the door, but I certainly wished she could have done all these things when Baylor was first born. The anxiety and helplessness are still so fresh in my memory.

I also really love that she helps Baylor put her shoes on too. Once again, this is the girl that would climb book shelves while I was trying to nurse Baylor. Super Big Sis to the rescue.

Anyway, I hate that Ryan is at work and I will really hate when I am back to work full-time...but we are doing pretty darn good with this new arrangment. The oldest of four, my parents didnt take us out much. I have never blamed them for this, they werent insane:) I just like that I am now comfortable going on multi-kid adventures. I am not stating that I enjoy taking a 2 1/2 year old and a 1 year old to the grocery store. You suddenly realize how much crap the stores have hanging at toddler height AND Addison needed to go to the bathroom (any public restrooms are gross with kids). She was easy, distracting Baylor in the stall while Addison peed was the hard part!

It just feels nice to not feel stuck in the house because your usual teammate is at work.

We wanted our babies close for all the good reasons and we certainly were in denial enough not to be prepared for how hard it actually is. Every time you get comfortable with a stage of development they change. A prime example: Baylor learning to walk, that was a curve ball I should have seen coming. Not so nice when sweet baby isn't chilling in the stroller-that kid wants to RUN.

In all, today was another good day and I realized that as my babies are learning and growing as children I am doing the same as a mom. My reflex's are getting super strong and I think the eyes are starting to grow in the back of my head.

Everyday is a new day, I sort of wish they wrote one of those What to Expect books....What to Expect Each Morning You Wake Up A Mommy.

More Than Enough

I'm elbow deep in this book and it is not letting me down. Amazing thoughts and very spiritually driven. Still on the road to tossing aside the norms of the "modern culture" and rework our financial philosophy, this book is far more about integrity, giving with your spiritual gifts and setting a foundation for moral and hardworking children. Good stuff.

Still my #1 Insomniac Outlet

My current "I can't sleep because Ryan is not home" outlet is AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. I will always be a PostSecret fan and I love the best of Youtube, but I am sort of hooked on this hilarious web page.

Do I really need to explain how awesome this is?

Sniffle of the Week

The playdates with Makayla and Addison have changed way more than my heart has been prepared for. I am not doing very well lately with my kids getting older. I think it is because Addison is just getting so self sufficient and the whole potty training was far more depressing than helpful (hey, but she still needs me to wipe her butt...I am still needed!) My friend Jodie does not make it easier by sending me a ton of old photos from some of the girls first few playdates.

This was their first playdate. Addison is around 2 months old. This was this past Friday and I am pretty sure I am going to be the mom that cries at every landmark and everyone in our family knows I save EVERYTHING.

I know it is gross, but I even saved her dried umbellica cord stump and even the pregnancy tests I took. Don't judge me-I'm "sentimental" (my loving husband affectionatly calls me a neurotic horder).

Her first day of school will for sure be a pinnacle moment in my line of mental breakdowns, I don't want to even think about Baylor...shes not allowed to grow up period.

Free time...

Ryan's new job is 2nd shift, which is a very odd shift; 3pm-11:30pm. He has been working overtime too and not getting home until about 4 am. Naturally, instead of sleeping I lay awake and play on the Internet. I've read 2 books in a week and I have been doing most of my fall lesson planning at summer school. So, that results in many more blog posts.

Today I introduce to you a gold nugget that I discovered late last night: akwardfamilyphotos.com AND akwardfamilypetphotos.com. The photos are hilarious, but the comments are even funnier. I already picked two out that I am using for writing prompts in the fall. I hope you enjoy a few of my favs:

Playdate with Miss Makayla

My good friend Jodie has a little girl a few months older than Addison and they are the best of buds. We have been getting them together since Addison was around 3 months (that was a really boring play date).

We had a great play date today and Jodie takes the most beautiful photos. Baylor is getting to the age where she is getting involved with the big girls more and they were just little fishies in the pool. Overall another blessed and beautiful day!

Content

Content is a beautiful word and an even more beautiful feeling. It took me 31 years to get here, I should be annoyed with myself that I took so long- but I am just happy I'm feeling it now.

Four books before bed with my girls, a big "I knew I could count on you" from Addison (all I did was get her a drink of water...that was an easy one) and nothing can get me down. This is a much better way to live my life and a great way to end another simple and blessed day.

HOLY CRAP, A JOB!!!!

Yippee!!! Ryan got a job today and starts tomorrow!

I have a million and one reasons why this is amazing and even better this is actually a good job with all of the bells and whistles-a true gift from God.

The learning, growing and sacrificing have all been worth it...we knew that, but it is sure nice to actually feel it.

I'm slightly worried about childcare because I am working all summer, but who cares...this is huge and we'll figure it out!

The turn around is starting to get momentum and we are very grateful for it.

Calling Mommy's Bluff...the Kindness of Addison

Tonight at dinner Addison was very clear that she did not want her food. We don't give her options and she does not like it. She gets over it. She won't starve one night and she is learning that fruit snacks and cheese are not suitable substitute for a family dinner.

Tonight we explained to her that if she wasn't going to eat then we would give it to little kids that did not have enough to eat. She was very blessed to have food and they were not.

I figure this would teach her about compassion and maybe get her to eat with a little reverse psychology. Holy crap, she demanded that we get in the car and take the food right now. She even went and got a plastic baggie out of the kitchen. "Mommy, they are so hungry...we need to feed them now. I don't like this, so I help them".

She would not let it go. I felt sort of lost, I had no idea where I was suppose to take a bag of pancakes (yes, we like to have "brinner") at 6:30 in order to feed hungry kids? She wanted to come too "I can't wait to help them so much mommy, I am going with you".

Luckily grandma and papa stopped over just at the right time to distract her. I couldn't be prouder, but geesh...she had me on the carpet. She would not take "mommy will take care of it tomorrow" for an answer. I need to figure out where I can really take her to feed the hungry.

I feel that every single child has somethings that they are naturally gifted at. Addison is gifted with language and nurturing. She just makes me so proud caring about others...poor kid use to sob when the Human Society commercials (the Sarah Mclachlan music pulling your heart strings) came on "the poor puppies mommy, they are so scarred". She wasn't even 2 yet.

It is just so amazing to know that she already is who she is going to be. I may have a hand in supporting her and guiding her as she develops her gifts, but she is already pre-wired to be someone. It is so weird to watch this unfold. I am learning quite a bit about how to be a better human from my little one.

Twinkly Toes

Addison somehow is aware of Skechers and their little girls shoes called Twinkle Toes. I have no idea where she learned about these shoes or how my 2-year old already has brand recognition, but she told her grandma Ginger she loved them and "needed" them. 3 hours later grandma presents Addison AND Baylor Jane with their own pairs.

All I can think of is Punky Brewster and how insane it is for someone to pay 40 dollars a pair for a 2 year old and a 15 month old. None the less my girls are proud owners.

Baylor Jane's are metallic pink and they light up, they are pretty stinking cute. I think they may actually might induce a seizure if you are in a dimly lit room. Overall, I am not happy that Addison is already a label reader and I am going to work on this.

The shoes are something to put down in the mommy journal as an entertaining moment in their history as my babies and on a hilarious note, Baylor will not stop marching around the house so that her shoes will light up.She laughs hysterically the whole time, while pointing at her feet. I will certainly post pictures of them in their kicks, soon, but I hope it is quite a while until Addison asks for a Coach purse. She's been eyeing one of mine (Ive never even bought myself one, all gifts from my mom). We'll just let one of the grandmas field that request too:)

"You'll be Okay"

Ryan's Aunt Jane died last week and yesterday we took the trip up to Ann Arbor for her memorial. It was nice for the whole family to come together to celebrate Aunt Jane.

She was a pioneer and an amazing women who loved all things living, her obit puts it all together beautifully.There is a crazy story though that I forgot to share:


The day before Aunt Jane died Ry's mom took the girls to visit Aunt Jane. She loved them and would send books to them and light up the moment they walked in the room. I mean her passion was working with small children, so it was an honor for me to have the girls around her last few years. I think they made her feel young again.

Anyhow, as they were leaving Wednesday night Addison turned for no reason and said casually to Aunt Jane "You'll be Okay". There was no prior conversation, no prompt-she just turned and said it. Aunt Jane passed in her sleep the next day.

I asked Addison about Aunt Jane the morning we found out and she said "mommy, Aunt Jane is in her old living room, shes sleeping for a while...she's going to relax for like a week." I was stunned. Aunt Jane moved out of her old house on the hill in Ann Arbor about 6 years ago...she loved that house and the living room. Weird.

Perhaps the most emotional part is that the Addison's story made it into the eulogy. In fact they closed with saying "Addison has it right, Jane and all of us will all be okay in the arms of Jesus". As you can imagine I sort of lost it.

Children have something so magical to them, I wish there was a way we could keep a hold of that and not loose it as adults.

Aunt Jane

Ryan's Aunt and Baylor Jane's namesake died in her sleep over the weekend and I just wanted to reflect on how remarkable she was. A few weeks shy of her 90th, Aunt Jane was a retired professor from the University of Michigan and one amazing woman. She loved my babies very much and gave me the respect and intellectual stimulation that I don't normally get from family. She was just cool.

Aunt Jane made such progress in education, the role of a woman in her generation and she just understood why I love to read and learn. One of the last things she said was that I need to get my Ph.D...hmm-not sure if I have the money or energy for that, but when Jane speaks you listen.

Anyhow, I've linked her obituary (which Ryan's cousin Michelle wrote and I think it is beautiful!) and I just want to honor her and thank her for being in my life the last 8 years. My girls were very blessed to get a few years of Aunt Jane's hugs.

Ummm, wow. Really?

Ah, competition. Friendly's is trying to one up the KFC Double-Down in a quite a valiant effort-with their Grilled Cheese Burgermelt. Check out the linked article...the fat grams on this bad boy are staggering.

I think I am fatter just from reading the article and this picture is about as close to this sandwich as I am going to get. Yikes!

Talk about a middle finger to healthy living-

Blink

and you'll miss it



Addison informed me that she was happy to pee and poop like a big girl now AND that I was her best friend because we go on imaginary adventures together-today we drove a helicopter through the house and last night we jumped into a book to get a bottle of perfume.



It smelled beautiful.



I want to cry (sometimes I do, I never knew saying good bye to diapers was that big a deal) because this is all going by too fast, I still visit the vivid memory of holding her, just me and my girl, in my hospital room after everyone went home her first night alive. It was just the two of us and I still can't believe what I have been chosen to do.



She is growing into such an amazing and compassionate little girl. So smart and beautiful...very aware of others and the big world around her. She is a nurturer for sure.



Don't get me started on Baylor Jane...she is babbling like a crazy person and every few words she clearly states "Good Girl", "hello" or "hot dog". I thought she was going to be our quite and reflective one. Fat chance...she is more of a dare devil than Addison and she learns too much from her...I'm not talking the alphabet ; manipulation, climbing skills and how to drive us overall nutty.



This was just a weekend that once again reminds me that I am taking part in a miracle raising these two little women and I am just so honored to be doing this with my husband. We aren't the worlds most perfect parents, but I know I am having a blast on this adventure.



That's a good sign right?

If I had a Million Dollars...

I'd be a stay-at-home mom.

I am really having a rough time right now being away from my girls. Financial issues have forced me to pick up a lot of extra jobs over the last few months and I have spent quite a few hours during the week away from home on top of my regular job. I am doing what needs to be done to keep this family a float but it is really getting to me.

I am working all summer and I am already sort of at my breaking point.

I have always dreamed of staying at home and raising our children. I was very blessed to be home 12 weeks when Addison was born and 5 months with Baylor. I just desperately want to be with them all of the time.

I have always said that the summers is when I will get to be an at-home mom, but I have still taught summer school for the last three summers. This summer I am picking up even more hours than the last two and I just feel a little bummed by it.

So, if I magically had a million dollars dropped in my lap I wouldn't go on an amazing vacation or go all crazy spending it on outlandish things. I would simply get caught up on the mess that unemployment brings and then stay at home giving my babies they extra love and attention I really wish I could afford to give them.

I Will be So LOST on Tuesdays Now

I have never been addicted to a television show where I feel sad if I miss the opening 5 minutes.

Sure, I have shows I really like and have watched pretty regularly, but I have never been so hooked on a show that I am actually pretty sad it is about to end.

I am a dedicated LOST fan and I don't feel embarrassed to admit it.
My only regret is that I don't have friends that follow it like me. I really wanted to throw a themed party for tonight's epic finale.

It would have been a cool party, invites that look like Oceanic flight 815 tickets...Dharma Initiative labels on all of the chips and sodas. O'well. I will be stuck to the TV all by myself tonight.

MammaSocks...

I am not a usual American Idol follower, I was blessed to catch the Pants on the Ground guy as it was happening but I really didn't know anyone's names or even how many were left...until two weeks ago.

My interest was peaked with all of this Crytal Bowersocks madness. I thought "really, is she that big of a deal?". Big deal, she is from Northwest Ohio...I decided to see for myself and...

Man...she is phenominal.

I watched the last two weeks and then downloaded a few more songs and I am in love with her voice. I am not buying t-shirts nor did I go downtown for the parade, but I am glad she is in the finals and I think she is pretty talented. She is going to be one of those timeless artists, there is a honesty to her and darn can she belt it out.

I will admit that I am sort of embarrassed to admit all of this, I feel like American Idol is a guilty pleasure; right up there with the Real Housewives of New York, New Jersey AND Orange County (not an Atlanta fan...Kim is ucky and NeNe needs to wear bras).

I don't even mind the dreads, she carries them off. I have my fingers crossed for her, but I think she is going to do great things- win or lose.

Great Words of Advice

Not one of the more artistic Post Secret cards...but darn is the advice relevant.

Portrait Innovations...More Like Portrait Pain in the Butt.

Grandma Steer wanted pictures of the girls-her treat, so we went for pictures.

Ugggg...

Four packs of fruit snacks, Addison "almost" popping into another families photos, Baylor running in circles and a sweaty mommy later and I have decided that we are officially sticking to our girl Nicole Stover. No more studio stuff.

Running around outside is WWWWAAAAYYYY easier than studio B.S. I was never a huge fan of the studios, but they are cheap if you have self control...which I did not have the first two times I went when Addison was born. 200.00 later I have envelopes of wallets and 5x8 that I have no use for.

Anyhow, I love Nicole's work and I think I am making her the official Steer family photographer. I figure, if I can't afford the shots we don't need them.

Diggin the Duggars...

I know that I am suppose to think the Duggar's are odd, but I am just really fascinated by them. I think the fact that they are weird is why I like them. I think most normal "rules" in society are maybe not the best.

I hope I am brave enough to do half of the things they are doing-I am still trying to cut the umbilical cord with television and though I wouldn't make my girls wear long denim skirts I certainly applaud the Duggar's emphasis on modesty.

Just because society has changed and taken most of us along for the ride, doesn't mean I don't think the old-school modesty and simplicity is nice. Plus, I LOVE that they do everything in cash and have no debt.

It is clear from the last few seasons that they have been getting a bit more funding from TLC, but they did just fine years ago and I love it.

I keep praying for their little Josie and more power to them!

Oh, yeah...and my grandma's sister had 18 kids. I agree that it sounds crazy, but I think it is cool to have all the kids your house can hold. One of four, it makes me sad that we may not be able to afford more than two. My parents always said that after four it gets easier...something about the oldest helping a lot more-that explains my role in the family:)

I Just Realized...

Yup, I just realized the bunny thing going on my blog.

Not intended.

Sorry, its weird.

Very Happy Unbirthday to YOU!

Addison is OBSESSED with Alice in Wonderland and anything related to it.

So, I am wishing everyone a very happy unbirthday. I am glad you were born!

The Turtle Wins the Race Every Time and Other Musings about my Life

We have our last Financial Peace class next week and I am both joyful and sad to finish out the 13 weeks. Though we have a LONG way to go, we have made so many serious changes to the way we live that I am actually pretty excited to see what the future has in store.

All the extra jobs and making all of the cuts (which seem like no big deal now...bring it on) is so worth being out of debt in the next few years. I just keep dreaming of the day when our only expenses are living and the mortgage.

I feel like Dave Ramsey and his teachings has had such a huge part in saving our life and our marriage.



As for surrendering...I am knee deep in The Me I want to Be and it is quite a soul opener. Letting go has been so amazing and difficult at the same time and each day I sit down and read I feel a little bit better about the progress I am making in my own spiritual journey. It is pretty cool how all of the stress of the last few months has actually given me the push to find the spirituality I had been negelecting for so long.

This conitunes to be a segment of my life that has had so much change. There has been so much heartache and so much beautiful redemption, I have found solace in patience and taking the time to let things unravle as planned. I think it is perception and attitude that has made all the difference and I am glad that I have finally matured enough to say that aloud:)

So, to all the growth that has happened and to all that will be in the future...I look forward to the journey. I am working on getting better at paying attention to the scenic route and stop getting hung on things like bumpy roads, expensive cars and stormy surroundings.

It is not easy, but I am trying.

I Miss My Old Puppy?

I know this sounds weird but....

Baylor pooped on the floor before her bath last night-sick right?

Addison peed all over my bedroom tonight, we are having quite an adventure with potty training and she also is fascinated with taking her clothes off-sick and weird, right?

Well, what is the most messed up (and 100% the mommy in me) is that both bathroom malfunctions made me miss our old puppy, Peter.

He was a really messed up little man with some serious issues and we had to find him a new home when he tried to attack Addison (he had like 3 teeth, it was not a very vicious attack). He peed and pooped in the house out of spite or if were gone longer than he liked. But I loved him, he was so much work and I think he tried to kill me twice on the basement stairs, and I think about him once in awhile.

Well, I am circling the airport on this one. Bottom line, my kids are more work right now than my anxiety ridden rescue puppy was when it comes to toilet related occurrences. Never thought I'd say that in this lifetime. Never thought I would use my left over pet deodorizer to clean up my bedroom over a year after I no longer owned a dog.

If you knew our Peter you would know exactly what I am referring too-he was soooo messed up.

The more I think about it, the only time I really get melancholy is when one of my children does something weird with poop, pee or biting.

I believe we will stick to Addison's fish for our family pet right now (named Mimi-dogg).

These Commercials are Killing Me

I can not stop laughing at the new series of Kotex ads. Finally, someone made advertising that was sarcastically commenting on what I have been making fun of for years.

I was just introduced to the "take care of your beaver" commercial. Yeah, I'm not sure I will see it on the local stations. Check it out on YouTube, it will either make you completely offended or pee your pants from laughter. I sort of did both...I know-TMI.

1.2.3....Awww, How Cute! The Hubby is Blogging!

My adorable husband decided he wanted to keep a blog. Check him outYeah...You're Right. He makes me smile and I can't wait to read what's on his mind. With two wild kids we don't always get to share the little things with each other, it may be nice to take little peaks into his brain that parenthood and life no longer permit.

God Bless him too, he is so worried that his writing won't be good enough:) I think he is going to be great!

P.S. His header photo is pretty cute, he loves bulldogs and he always says our youngest child is a little bulldog. We'd own one if the darn things didn't cost $2000!

Ahh, The Teenage Years Are Going to be AWESOME!

Addison statement of the day:

"Mom, you are freaking me out here".

Need I remind everyone that she is 2. Lord grant me the strength.

The Naked Chef Does America

I am so hooked on Food Revolution. If you haven't heard of the show or Jamie Oliver's movement, please check it out. Plus, he is just so stinking cute!

You Have 0 Friends

I watched South Park for the first time in years and I stumbled on this little jewel. So hilarious! It's all about the insanity of Facebook! The most interesting is the madness of miscommunication and how people take status updates and comments way too serious.`

I love it! Check it out:You Have 0 Friends

Funny O' the Hour

At this moment I am laughing so hard I might pee. I had to post this asap!

I am sitting in the basement doing bills (in wonderful silence) when all I start to hear over the monitor is the adorable sound of Addison singing "Imma Be" by the Black Eyed Peas.

She is really getting into it.

Don't Worry, Be Happy...Birthday.

Yesterday may have been one of the best days I have had in years and one of the top 3 birthdays so far. 31 (I'm done with the YIKES...I feel good about being alive thank you!) is going to be a great year no matter what.

Nothing really out of the ordinary happened, I just really had a good day. I am very blessed, the girls were giggling and the sun was shining. My family was all around and I got a Vera Bradley bag:) I didn't expect the bag at all so it was a nice surprise. In fact, I really didn't even realize I wanted one. It is super cute and I love it, thanks mom! She always knows what works for me, even when I have no clue.

I'm looking forward to making more days like these. It was a lot easier than I realized, all I had to do was smile and open my eyes.

Just Because...

She makes me smile

My Kids LOVE Bubbles

One thing I know for sure, my girls would stay outside for hours if bubbles are involved. Uncle Gregory gave Baylor the greatest bubble machine for her birthday and it is fantastic. Spent about 2 hours playing with it at Baylors party and got another 1 out of it this afternoon.

Working out is Hard to Do...down, dooby do, down,down

Yeah, lame title and I had the song in my head all day anyway. But-

I just get on a pretty good schedule and I was feeling like I MIGHT take care of my "little" weight problem. Ryan and I were even working out together on Saturday mornings and it was nice.

Then he gets surgery and boom...I can't a free minute to get race through 30 minutes. He is in a sling and can't even hold his babies, let alone be left alone with them.

Boo. I refuse to let this get me off track. It is just so stinking hard to rally up the babysitter troops. They help so much, but my options are very limited.

here is my resolve:as my three sizes smaller jeans (from 3 years ago might I add) are my witness I will keep working out. I need to loose about 10 pounds more before I can start up my running training and I refuse to keep the old and athletic me locked up much longer.

Okay, so I put it on writing and I am posting it on the web...I can't back down now-right?

Thems Be Fightin' Words

Baylor and Addison just had their first real fight. Really.

It consisted of Baylor shaking her head (which is adorable by the way)shouting her own version of NO and then Addison saying YES!. It started as Addison goofing around and then it got serious. It really made Addy mad that Baylor was saying no to her and it was pretty obvious that Baylor enjoyed the fact that it made Addy mad she was saying no to her:) Back and forth for like 5 minutes...aggghhh.

I wanted to laugh, but at the same time I really just wanted to cry. They have officially become "sisters". Lock up their closets and drawers, I see wars over clothing in my near future.

Enjoying the Small Things-Kelle Hampton

I am so moved and so in love with this story. Kelle Hampton has used blogging in a way that I respect on such a high level and it warms my heart to read her beautiful and honest story.

I've linked her background story and her blog (Enjoying the Small Things). Kelle Hampton and her beautiful little family simply warm my heart.

Inglorious Basterds

After months and months, I finally was able to see Inglorious Basterds...I loved it! It might be my favorite movie of the moment. The first 15 minutes are so intense I almost couldn't stand it.

Next on my "to see" list...Green Zone. I hope I won't have to wait until it comes out on DVD.

Addison, oh Addison...

Addison quote of the day...

"mommy, you look fabulous, simply fabulous".

Really, when did she turn into Samantha from Sex in the City?

Lost?

Dear Lost,

Where the heck are my answers? I have lots and lots of theories, but the mental pretzel that keeps getting knotted tighter and tighter is about to make my snap. Please throw me a bone here.

Yours truly,

H

P.S. Where is Charles Widmore and please tell me he is in John Locks body.

Best of Youtube

I am obsessed with The Best of Youtube. A collegue of mine started using clips for writing activities in his classroom and I got interested. Now I am addicted. I watch much less tv now, but I read and watch way too much internet material.

It is almost (I stress ALMOST) as addictive as PostSecret and Stumbleupon.

Yikes!

...I learned from blogger.

I just took a trip back to 2006, yup I went and read my old posts. Man, I am so boring these days.

Back then I was stupid, sophomoric, funny, irrelevant and I was clearly having fun. The last two years is a mix of "cute", "matronly", and "reflective". Nice and all, but I am sick of being those three things. I love my babies, but I think they have sucked the ME out of me.

Like my horrible and short "mom hair", I am growing it out and trying to find a balance of who I was in my twenties with who I am now. Ughh, this is going to take effort:)

Birthday for My Bear?

Baylor is one March 24Th and I can't believe I am planning my second 1st birthday party. Addison is our little Tinker Belle so we went all fairy for her. I work hard to keep a balance for Baylor on photos and attention on milestones...you sort of loose the gusto on the 2nd, but I try.

Anyhow, I'm thinking Care Bears. Her nickname is "the bear", I thought it would be cute. We shall see.

Sista's

I am publicly documenting these instances of cuteness and civility because my spidey- senses tell me that these moments will become few and far between the closer we get to the teen years.

Dave Ramsey: You Sweet, Sweet Man

My husband and I first were introduced to Dave Ramsey close to 3 months ago and he has already changed our lives in more ways than financially. A non-attender and in serious doubt, I hadn't been to church in a LONG time. My mom knew how tough things have been financially and suggested we attend a three week series at her church with Dave Ramsey. Drawn in my Ramsey and hooked by the rest of the church, we were hooked and haven't missed a day since. We started his Total Money Makeover and we are now in his 13 week Financial Peace University class. It is unreal. Could a financial "guru" actually set off a series of events that have lead to so much peace and clarity? Crazy.

Tonight we had our 2nd FPU class and I just feel so good about our future. We are slowly waking up from a nightmare that has lasted nearly 6 months, but we are slowly rising from the ashes. I feel excellent about the positive changes happening in our lives and I am very blessed for the transformations we (yes we, Ryan has grown even more than me and I am so proud) have been experiencing.

Taking stock of my life the last few months, opening my eyes to toxic people and just finally breathing in the blessed and beautiful things in my life has allowed me to better heal from the pain.

I look forward to the next 11 weeks of class and the next 60 years of my life...it feels good to say these things out loud and if feels amazing to go through a full day with out sobbing fearing yet another bottom falling out.

I would love to shake Mr. Ramsey's hand, send a gracious thank you to my husband, family and real friends and just smile at God.

Through the Ears of a Child...

After long periods of painful and constant ear infections I am now the proud mother of two babies under three with tubes. Baylor Jane just got hers and Addison has reached the one year mark.

Second tube operation in one year got me thinking, what is it like to have your ears so full of fluid and so tender and irritated from infection and then magically they are clear? I have witnessed changes with both girls almost overnight from their surgeries and I just wonder how trippy it is for them.

It is hard to imagine what it is like to be so small and learning so much about life and human function (speech, balance/walking, pain) with such a disadvantage and then the disadvantage disappear.

Either way, I am very grateful that both my girls are doing great and we are so very blessed. Baylor is taking steps and her language skills have stepped it up tremendously in a little under a week. Crazy.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Boo Hoo Me.

I am sort of deflated by lack of readership and support. I am thinking of just quiting my blog.

I started this experience as a way to journal my thoughts on life and reflect on my days in a life that I am still very amazed to be living. I just think I would be better suited putting my thoughts down in a traditional journal.

It is far more painful than I ever realized to keep a blog up that no one reads. I guess I didn't intend to have that matter to me as much as it does, but it does:( the worst is reading other blogs and most get an average of 4-7 comments. I'm not trying to whine (which I am) but I just don't like feeling icky about it.

Anyhow, I figure if someone comments in the next week I'll stay on. If not, I'm sticking to pen and paper. No sense wasting cyberspace trying to be part of the "cool crowd". We shall see.

Baylor Girl is on the Go and Addy Bird is Capitalzing Off of the Chaos.

This two kids mobile thing is for the birds. New Years Eve was exhausting because we are not use to two moving rapidly. Baylor usually sits gleefully with toys and just chills. This allows a double team effort on Addison. Not anymore!

Baylor is getting quicker and quicker each day and I am thinking that walking is going to be the death of me.

The cutest part of her new skills is the morning greet. Most mornings Baylor is laying in bed, sometimes sitting, with a smile. Now, we are greeted by a two tooth stand up salute. She has been standing along her crib rail with a big cheesy grin with such pride. She really does love standing.

sigh.

Holy Crap....

Baylor just stood on her own. Second kid, still shocks me. I'm not ready for how well she is crawling and cruising this week and I am DEFINITELY not ready for walking. Crap!

Ohh, that Tebow...He's Such a Nice Kid

My husband has been a Florida Gators fan since childhood. He visited his grandparents every summer in Florida and just likes to follow the team. I am also a fan of Urban Mayer since he graced BGSU during my undergrad days.

Anyhow, I was watching the Sugarbowl and I thought I would look up EPH 2:8-10 since Tim Tebow wrote it on his eye paint. It moved me that a kid (and he is a kid) that has so much talent and accomplished so much at such a young age credits his gifts as the work of God and openly thanks his relationship with God for his life. It was just nice.

So, here is the actual bible versus Tebow was highlighting during tonight's game:

Ephesians 2:8-10 (New International Version)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.